Saturday, February 12, 2011

Sweet Child of Mine

Sweet Stella Winter...

The most difficult part of my week is letting you go away for the night.
I start to feel nervous the day before you go and it doesn't go away until you come home.
I walk past your room when you aren't here and it is so still and quiet. Sometimes I shut the door because it makes me feel sad to see it so empty.

The house doesn't feel the same without you. Your toys are neatly packed into a corner, your washing I have caught up on and all your pretty little dresses are freshly hanging. Your bed sheets are crisp clean.

I go to sleep feeling like something is missing, a dreadful feeling that I have forgotten something.
I wake during the night because I think I hear you calling out, I get up and go to your room only to realise it was only in my head.

The hours leading up to your return tick by very loudly. I watch out the window for the half hour before you are due to come home. And when I see you my heart flutters excitedly. I finally can relax and feel comfortable when you come through that door.

Most times you will fall asleep as soon as you return, instead of putting you to bed I savor the moments and hold you whilst you sleep. Sometimes sleeping next to you on my bed so I can hear you breathing and feel your warmth.

I know its important for you to develop and explore a relationship with your Father. And even though it kills me to let you go, seeing you share a smile with him actually warms my heart. You share moments that only the two of you know about, hold a different bond to the one that we share. And despite my differences with him, I find it beautiful.

Having this time away from you makes it all the more clearer to me what I am living for...
To be your Mother. To protect you, love you, make you feel secure, comfortable and content.
It has brought our bond to a whole new level.

I love you.

Eagerly awaiting your return as always,

1 comment:

  1. Oh hunni :( Reading this made me cry <333 Stella is one lucky little girl having an amazing mum like you.

    Krystal xo