Imperfect Truths.

Sometimes, motherhood can be glorified beyond recognition. We have the ability to layer varnish upon varnish atop the weathered and withered reality that being a mother is. I think that's where the super mum phenomenon was born and bred...we've added a large dose of misconception to the mixture and slathered it on thick. I am guilty of glossing my mum-life up, as most (especially bloggers and mothers in the public eye) are. I've written about the effect super-mum syndrome has had on my life before, and still have internal struggles to this day.

A part of me feels very passionate about stamping that super-mum phenomenon to the ground, creating protest against it, making movements to object it and encouraging others to reject it. But, I also know that a significant part of me is still clutched tightly by this deceptive syndrome. Baby steps are key, baby.

What dawned on me most recently, was our hesitation to tell it like it is. I've also learnt along my journey of Motherhood that 'telling it like it is' is a significant coping mechanism for me. I'm not sure if it's the honesty, the 'realness' or the acceptance that reassures me most. I also LOVE hearing other mamas keeping it real, I am very blessed to have a beautiful circle of friends who are mothers. We are all very close, very honest and very supportive of each other and adore sharing the imperfect truths together.

So in the spirit of 'anti super mum', I am going to share with you my imperfect truths of the week, shed light on my imperfections and perfect normality and accept them wholly.  Do you want to join the movement? Let's make a protest together; for each other!



Truth  #1: I no longer fold my laundry. That's right, drop your jaw. With at least one load of washing a day (which usually accumulates until Monday) I have far too much washing to fold and put away. The girls are forever making food messes, paint messes and I am forever making cooking messes. So, my new tactic in order to get that basket empty is to just open and shove. Open the drawer, shove it in, close the drawer and walk away.

Truth  #2: I was busy feeding Isla her mashed veg at lunch one day last week when Stella decided she couldn't wait a second longer for her lunch. So, (with my verbal guidance) she went to the fridge, got out the jug of noodles and sat herself up on the couch eating cold noodles from a 500ml jug with her fingers. They both ate, they both smiled. Winning all around if you ask me!

Truth #3: I take my phone with me to the toilet, so if I am lucky enough to have little faces leave me alone for one minute I can sneak in some mindless Instagramming.

Truth #4: Nick treated himself to a box of Coco Pops and offered them to Stella one morning instead of her usual Weetbix. Of course, she loved them, inhaling every last chocolatey rice puff and then drinking the sweet milk. "Mummy, I LOVE Popo Cocks!" she proudly proclaimed. I didn't correct her and I didn't lecture Nick on nutrition because; Popo Cocks sounds cute (for now) and the smiles from them both at the dining table were worth it.

Truth #5: From 9am to 4:30pm yesterday, a 30 minute Fairies DVD played on repeat. That's fifteen times I agreed to "One more time mama?". Obviously a big chunk of this time was spent inattentive to The Fairies. But still, a significant amount of time was spent dancing and singing about Barnaby the Busy Busy Bee.

What imperfect truths have you got to share this week? Join me in the movement and tell me yours, or hashtag your imperfect but wonderful mothering moments on Istagram (#imperfecttruths). Baby steps to stamping down that super-mum, baby steps!

Plenty of love,

Glitter in the coffee.

Some days call for glitter. Or Splarkelys as Stella likes to call them. Splarkelys make everything much brighter on dreary and funky days, you can't scorn children with glitter on their little button noses!

As a parent we all have 'those' days, 'those' days tend to be my everyday some weeks. But, what if you could turn the day around? Throw a spanner in the works of a glum, tension-filled household? I know that once I am in a funk I find it super hard to get out of it, if our morning is filled with food-spilling accidents, sibling rivalry or a lost piece of jewellery it's pretty easy to write the whole day off as 'one of those'. Self-fulfilling prophecy answers our call and there you have it... a bad day.

Pretty simple cycle to get caught in really and with young children, it is oh-so-easy to do. Lately I have been challenging myself to take every moment as a new one in order to turn our days around and tonight I thought I'd share with you four fail proof turn-the-frown-upside-down tricks to put the shine back in your day!

Glitter makes most toddlers smile. Yeah, it's kind of messy and it gets everywhere, but it makes everything look prettier. Even the mess will look pretty. I have every colour imaginable (Thank you Reject Shop) with a shaker top lid and let Stella shake it onto collages and paintings. When you're drinking that almost cold coffee and saying "Please don't wipe snot in your sisters hair" for the fifteen-hundredth time, the sight of a get away piece of glitter in your coffee has got to make you smile. Or cry. But lets hope for the smiles, at the very least you'll end up with a spot of glitter in your teeth and that will make someone else smile.

I'm a big believer in naps, it really is a shame that my children aren't. Never underestimate the power of a nap for your child. Over tiredness really does fuel temper tantrums and although it may be a struggle convincing them to go, it will be worth it for the refreshed bundles they'll emerge as. Some days, when luck is really going my way...both of my girls nap at the same time or at least for a cross-over period of twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of pure bloody gold. Tea, crackers, Pinterest and grown-up TV; a sure fire way to get you back on your game.

...to anything, for any reason! I've come to realise how much I sing as I 'do'. "Maaaakkking you a sandwich, oh you better eeeeeat it, don't throw it on the flooooor, or I'll probably lose my s#%t. Oh yeahhhhh." Obviously, sensor your raps and versus to suit junior ears. Singing seems to lighten the mood and dancing with a baby or toddler on the hip wards off negative energy.

Tickles fix anything. I promise.

What ways do you brighten a day that starts out dull? Ever found yourself sipping a coffee grainy with glitter?
Plenty of love,

The Tock of our Clocks.

Patience. It' a virtue that gets pushed to the limits throughout our lifetime. It's waiting for that cake to cool so you can pipe the frosting on, It's constantly refreshing your online bank account waiting for pay day. It's sighing in frustration at the rate of growth since last months bad haircut.

It's...being a parent.

Nothing pushes your limits more, stretches your patience further than children do. Our sweet little innocent beings run on entirely different time zone, they tick the tock of their own clock.

Patience then, it would be assumed is every parents greatest asset. Assumed being the key word. I don't know about you, but for me... patience is a skill I am yet to master.

I can only say "Please sit down" so many times, put the dummy back in so many times or pick up the bowl full of peas strewn across the floor so many times before my boiling point is reached, when every molecule of patience within me has been exhausted of it's abilities. And then what? I need to have patience with my patience?

I put the burning question to my online community of mothers a while back, "How do you be patient?" If you aren't a patient person how do you learn, practice and master such a skill that is necessary for calm parenting and good role modelling? Or perhaps more true to my style of parenting...How do I fake patience and fake it enough to make it through the day?

I was relieved to hear that many mamas out there share the 'steam coming from ears' symptom and could empathise. "This too shall pass...say it over and over and over again", one SAHM soothed me. "Remember in the heat of the moment how quickly they grow up, and savour the moment now before they move on, away from the nest", encouraged another. Wise words from those who also hear the irregular tick tock of their little ones clock clashing with their own.

In true mama blogger style, I took to the world wide web and searched for more answers reading many a tale of stretched limits, patience improving advice and parental coping skills. I read until I had the patience to read no longer and some of the answers I was looking for. The verdict? Patience is not a given skill. It, like any other mental muscle needs to be exercised regularly. It can be built up, strengthened and defined...all with practice and determination. Unfortunately, there is no easy supplement available for building this mental muscle, just old fashioned patience. So yes, (cringe) we must have patience with our patience.

Having recognised I need some major help in this area I have set myself a little daily workout for building up my lacking skill. Simple steps I can take to reduce the steam and fake it until I make it. If you feel yourself steaming up regularly as I do, why not take the challenge with me?


* Step away. Away from the patience testing situation and breathe. Come back with a chest full of air to continue pumping along calmly with.

* Eliminate the distractions. Patience is harder to come by when there are too many variables vying for its attention. At patience testing times, switch off the television, turn down the music and focus attention where it is most needed.

* Set the example. Remember to be the parent you wish your child to one day become, you are the role model and you are the example. Set the best one you possibly can.

* Forgive and Forget. Ever noticed how quickly childrens moods can change? From extreme tantrum to elation in just minutes? Take a leaf from the book of a toddler and move on quickly. Forgive yourself for losing it and get back on track, or forgive your child for pushing your limits and move forward with the moment.

* Pretend someone is watching. We are always more patient with an audience or in public, just channel into this skill at home. This tip I found on a wonderful post titled "How to become a patient parent". Definitely worth the read.

* Remember the cliched L's. Live, Love and Laugh. Live in the moment and remember how quickly it passes. Laugh at the frustrations and niggles that challenge us and Love your child unconditionally and with understanding.


I hope these little exercises may give me a boost, and perhaps they can give you one too. Especially when you've picked up the peas from the floor for the ninth night in a row, put the dummy back in for the fourth time or chanted "Please sit down" for a third.

Now repeat after me...This to shall pass!
Plenty of love, 

Sweet little high-flyer.

Stella is a high intensity toddler. She always has been. In fact, she was even a high intensity baby. I'm sure if I researched and spoke to professionals, mums and other equally judgmental sources, they would assure me it is caused by a number of factors. Maybe her birth process? Maybe my pregnancy emotions? Perhaps I ate too much sugar antenatally? I didn't play Mozart to the fetus in my womb?

The conclusion I have come to as her Mother is that Stella is Stella. She is a high intensity, fast paced, sometimes overly demanding, intelligent and energetic toddler. Which all sounds perfectly reasonable and manageable until the days you are not so high-flying yourself. These are the days I question my parenting and it's abilities. Stella had a playdate with a friend recently, and rather than it be all about rainbows and butterflies it was all about tears and tantrums. She was a frenzied ball of stress.

Evie would build a tower, Stella would purposefully trample it down. Evie would have a dummy, Stella would take it from her mouth and claim it her own. Evie would read a book, Stella would throw the books from the bookshelf. Evie would eat a sandwich, Stella would use hers to wipe the bench with.

I know the golden rule of guilt free parenting is to not ever compare children. They are the definition of individual and no two children will be the same. But, in times like these... I couldn't help but think, "Dear god, why can't you be more like Evie!"



Stella soon snuggled into bed after the playdate had come to an end, and I stroked her soft head and apologised. Not only am I sorry for comparing her, but I am also sorry for perhaps not accepting her as I should. She is none-the-wiser and has forgiven me like any loving baby does, but I know in myself there are things I need to work on. I need to listen to her needs and find the point of frustration, I need to figure out what it is that creates the frenzied monster attitude she can sometimes take on, and take the steps to eliminate these. Children are always trying to tell us something, through their play, their behaviour and their tantrums. I just wish I could hear her a little better at times.

Have you also got a high intensity toddler? Do you sometimes feel out of control and lacking skills to manage your sweet little high-flyer? How do you cope? What lessons have you learnt? I would love to hear from other mamas who share the same distress at times, as always... share your stories with me.

Here's to hoping the storm has calmed after a nice, long, much-needed afternoon nap!
Plenty of love,

People Watching and Intention Parenting

Source

Today I observed a mother parenting. Not unusual as I must admit I am a little bit of a 'people watcher' at the best of times, and even more curious and intrigued when it comes to watching people parent.

What is unusual, is what I saw. I watched a young mother parent with intention and deliberation. I watched a mother who was aware of her child's emotions at every single moment; making her more able to control and predict his behaviour. I watched a mother be sensitive to her sons feelings while teaching him from right and wrong...while giving him an example of how to share, or an explained and valid reason why not to throw popcorn. I watched a mother guide and lead her child through play. I watched the trusting attachment she had with her son enable her to diffuse tantrums and redirect attention to positive behaviours.

I didn't see this mother, that some in our society may consider passive, run off her feet. I didn't see her pandering to her childs needs with desperation and indulgence. I didn't see her chanting meditation mantras whilst barefoot, I didn't see her chewing her 'vegan and organic only' food before transferring to his mouth.

I also didn't see a spoiled son. I didn't see an oversensitive child who was unable to cope with unpredictable social situations. I didn't see a child who was submissive with his peers or intimidated by authority. I didn't see a disobedient, self-centred, out of control toddler. I saw a toddler act within his developmental stage, I saw a toddler play with enthusiasm and excitement...at times struggling to share and at times frustrated. However, able to understand his own emotions that were validated and not dismissed by his mother.

I observed a young mother parent with intention and deliberation. Then I came home and read this article and was speechless with its accuracy. The notion that all 'passive and submissive' parents who entertain the idea of attachment parenting are raising a generation of disrespectful and violent youth shocks me, and all the things I observed whilst doing a spot of people watching proved to me, that this isn't the case.

The mother I was watching parented her child with love and passion, yet she wasn't exclusively an attachment parent or an exclusively authoritative parent. She was just a parent, mothering with intention and deliberation. I looked at her sensitivity and awareness in awe, I felt inspired by her.

So, you know what really gets me? The critics who say this mother is to blame for 'the trouble with kids today', or the critics who call her an 'alternative parent'. Whether you believe in the attachment theory or not, shouldn't we all be aiming to parent with intention and deliberation?

I don't know about you, but mothers like the one I watched today... truly inspire me. 

Plenty of love, 

Longing to Connect

Connection. It's something most parents yearn for with their children and many strive to achieve on a daily basis. It's something that for me, was easy to obtain when Stella was younger. There's plenty of opportune moments when snuggling up for a feed, rocking to a lullaby and settling to sleep, plenty of time to breathe in the quite and stillness of the moment and to gaze into your childs eyes.

Young babies rely on you wholly for physical and emotional comfort and if you give all you have...an indescribable degree of connection is formed. Connection achieved with the utmost of love; the unconditional and protective love that a parent holds for their child.

Now that Stella is older, there is less room for those sleepy cuddles and long relaxed gazes. With each month that she gets a little older, our days seem to be filled with more and more of those monotonous daily tasks. Setting boundaries and explaining the why's and hows of things seems to be what each moment is all about...and each moment seems to fly by with tested patience, tantrums and fixing what gets undone. I feel as though I am struggling to connect with Stella emotionally.

It's something I've been thinking about quite regularly... especially when at the end of the day, the only way I have been able to emotionally connect with my toddler is to lift her out of her bed once she's fallen into a deep sleep and cuddle her tightly. With all the exploring, running, eating and dancing that is done in a toddlers day, sitting down for a little moment of reconnection is certainly not feasible.

So, how? How do you reconnect with your child and bring back the bond amongst the daily banal? I am yet to find these answers but I will search within myself until I do. One of my favourite sources of inspiration as a mother at the moment is this blog written about Attachment Parenting. I find myself more and more drawn to this concept and the values is represents. It seems that attachment parenting has all the answers I need to get through these slight phases of insecurity and unsettlement, and the more I read, learn and research about the topic the more aware I am of my parenting abilities.

Tell me, have you ever felt a little disconnected from your child? Or had a longing to connect and bond like you did when they were so snuggly and dependant? How do you connect with such a busy little being in such a busy busy lifestyle?

Share with me your thoughts! I'd love to hear what you think.
Plenty of love, 

How far can my heart stretch?

This is the question that has been plaguing my thoughts a lot lately, it's one of my biggest insecurities about becoming a Mother of two. How far can my heart stretch? Do I have enough love to give two children the utmost adoration and care they deserve? 

I often ponder what our new lifestyle will be like once baby #2 arrives and find that I am becoming increasingly nervous about the concept of balance between my first born and second born. With being a SAHM and also having been single for the first 12 months of motherhood, Stella gets such a highly concentrated dose of 'Mummy'. She is used to having my undivided attention and sharing me with only a few household chores. As a mother it is important to me to spend the time I have during the day being physically involved with her play and exploration. Occasionally I'll leave her to chitter chat to herself whilst building towers out of blocks, but a lot of the time I sit there with her, creating my own tower by her side. 

I wonder how Stella is going to cope with the change of dynamics once the new baby arrives. Will she be able to cope with having her mama's attention elsewhere? With the extensive time and concentration that feeding can take in those first few weeks, I have a vision of being tied to the couch with a baby at the breast while Stella is feeling left out and vying for my attention by misbehaving, which will lead to feelings of resentment towards baby #2 as everyone is just paying it so much damn attention!

At the other end of the spectrum is the question of "Will I have enough room in my heart for another child?" I know I will (and already do) love this baby very much, but the love I have for Stella is overwhelmingly indescribable. Can I feel that for two children? How will my heart cope with all this intense love! In the late hours of the night when these thoughts are running through my head I often wonder, how does anyone successfully raise two children?! What have I gotten myself into!

I'm hoping my brain decides to rest up a little soon and leave my train of thought to more pleasant things, like cupcakes and bubble baths. I am really interested in hearing your thoughts on transitioning from one child to two (or three or four). Did you have these insecurities that kept you awake at night? How did you manage?

Plenty of love, 

Oh, In the Night Garden...How I love you!

In the Night Garden...Oh how I love you!

Stella has never really shown an interest in television, which could have been seen as a good thing. Until she became more and more energetic through the days and more and more restless through the afternoons. Some afternoons I would nearly collapse in a heap and proclaim "Please sit down and watch playschool, all the other kids are!". After trying and failing with Playschool, Bob the Builder, Bananas in Pyjamas and all the other brightly coloured, highly animated and jingle busting shows currently on the childrens channel, I concluded that Stella just didn't like television and that I would be thankful for this in the future. That's when we discovered In the Night Garden. 

Strategically placed in the time frame of 6:30pm to 7:00pm, In the Night Garden has become part of our nightly routine. For a whole half an hour Stella will sit down (yes, actually sitting down!) cuddled up to me on the couch and watch in awe as her favourite characters navigate a magical garden before bed. Oh, In the Night Garden how I love you! I love the half hour of rest you give me a day, the half hour of cuddles your convince my toddler to give me and the half hour of smiles and giggles I see exuding her little chubby face.

With the failure of many televisions shows to really grab Stellas attention and take her away on an imaginary journey, I am left pondering why a show so simple and repetitive has managed to reel her in enthusiastically. And it seems I am not alone, many Mothers of children under two years old no longer watch the news before putting their children to bed, but watch 'Iggle Piggle' and 'Upsy Daisy' at play.

Before In the Night Garden, there really hasn't been many suitable shows for children in the younger age group. Children in this age of 12 months to 2 years especially like to be stimulated with less colours, noises and commentary. They seem to respond better to low stimulation and repetition rather than the hustle bustle of some programmes. The setting for the show is somewhat natural- a green garden adorned with daisies, tall trees and birds, the very few characters featured speak short and repetitive phrases mixed in with curious, giggle inducing noises.

One of In the Night Gardens' producers says "We became very aware of the anxiety surrounding the care of young children which manifested itself in all kind of directions; but the one big subject that came up again and again was bedtime. It's the classic time for tension between children who want to stay up and parents who want them to go to bed... so this is a programme about calming things down whereas most children's TV is about gee-ing everything up."

And that it certainly does; calms things down. I find when 7:00pm rolls around I could quite easily be tucked up into bed myself. I'll let you in on a little secret... When struggling to fall asleep late at night I sometimes might play the soundtrack of In the Night Garden on my iPhone to call upon the sleepy vibes.

Oh, In the Night Garden, how I love you!

Have you jumped aboard the ninky nonk and the pinky ponk at 6:30pm? Do your children respond well to this sweet but strange television show? I found this article on the phenomenon of In the Night Garden to be an insightful read as to why our toddlers love it so!

Plenty of love,

The perfect gap.

With the arrival date of baby #2 falling two days after Stellas second birthday, my two children will have nearly exactly two years difference in age. This has bought me to be thinking about the perfect age gap to have between children in families. I read an article recently that claimed having your second baby withing the first year of your first baby was not healthy for your first borns psychological development. With no real evidence or research to back the article up, I became angry and frustrated with the writer for claiming such things, just adding to the endless guilt we feel as parents. The truth is, there is no perfect age gap. The perfect gap is what works perfectly for you; whether that be four under four or four years between each.

So with the story of our family still in the writing process, I thought I'd turn to some parents of numerous children to share their stories of age differences in the family, their family book has already been written. The first person kind enough to share her story is Stacey, the mother raising four boys. 

...Enjoy...

" Hi my name is Stacey Saunders a busy mother of 4 boys who is also the person behind Tassie Treasures Facebook page and Blog.

There is a total of three years and three months between the first three of our children and then a further break of three years to our fourth, all boys and all with four letter names. This was only brought to my attention after becoming pregnant with our 4th boy. When a friend said, "How clever your children all have four letters in their names, what have you got picked this time?" How strange we had not even picked up on it, they were just names we had picked.

With just over three years between my babies life was hectic to say the least. I am a very busy person and love to be on the go. I literally go mad when I am bored. So once our youngest turned 1 I was off back to work. Many would say I was mad and I probably would tell anyone else they were but not me.

I had contraception issues after my second son’s birth, the pill no longer suited me and it was not an issue again until after number 3 was born. I then went on to try the contraceptive implant, after a year of horrible side effects I had it removed. My husband at this stage decided that he wanted us to try one more time for a little girl, although I was happily moving forward from midnight feeds, nappies and all that comes with the newborn – 1 year age gap and was really enjoying my time with adults.

With the implant removed and no contraception I was soon pregnant again. After three cesareans very close together this possibly was not the brightest idea, the toll on my body was evident. We suffered complications from the start and during this pregnancy I felt awful my body was definitely protesting. At 37 weeks gestation the placenta started to rupture and little boy number 4 thankfully was born a healthy 7 pound 15 ounces.  It was made VERY clear to me that I was not to have any more children.

My boys were now 6 Years 3 Months, 4 Years 9 Months, Almost 3 years and baby.

I struggled the most with our last baby we had finished nappies during the day, no bottles, and dummies and done away with the entourage of baby junk you need to carry everywhere. Then back to night feeds, prams, nappies and unexplained crying in the middle of the night.  I suppose by the fourth child the novelty of it had worn off and my routine had changed.

The upside of having multiple children

* clothes; hand-me-down
*  I have 4 dish washers
* 4 lawn mowers
* 4 dog walkers/poop cleaner uppers
* 4 handsome boys that love their mum (my favorite part)
* There is always someone to help out or help their siblings with school work and playing etc.
* There is a special bond between close siblings than is unbreakable even though they fight like cats and dogs.

The down side to having 4 children and so close together.

* It is a LOT of work.
* 4 voices all wanting you at the same time.
* Everyone has to wait their turn even a wonderful supportive husband whose turn sometimes never comes.
* Financially it's a little harder; they eat and eat and eat.
* Family holidays, you try getting accommodation for 6 that doesn’t cost the earth.
* Very little time for you.
* They don’t get as much individual time just with Mum and Dad as they would like.

 
I think if you have the opportunity to have more than 1 child and have the chance to have your children close together, do so and get it all done at once. Sure it’s tonnes of hard work but it is also the most rewarding experience of your life time. They grow up so very quickly; so cherish every moment."

Let's talk about boobs.

Knockers, hooters, boobies or breasts. We all know our boobs serve a higher purpose in life than getting wolf whistles from hormone driven boys or holding up that strapless summer dress. What we often don't get told is how much our breasts can and will change through life and what trouble they can give us.

Yesterday I went to be measured and fitted for a maternity bra, my first fitting since I was 12 years old. Long gone are they days of being a 12B and extensive padding, also long gone are they days of putting socks down my top as 9 year old and dreaming of how complete my life would be once I got boobs.

I walked away from the store in a slight trance, muttering the size I had just been given under my breath. One cup of the modestly large grandma-esque bra fit on my head like a beanie. Not only was I wondering how I had gotten to this point in life, but I was also left wondering why buying such an incredibly ugly, incredibly comfortable bra excited me so much. Getting home, whipping off the old and putting on the new was like Christmas.

My first pregnancy my boobs got to what I thought was 'pretty big'. They were a little tender and a little swollen, but nothing out of the ordinary. Then, post birth. Well, let's not even go there. My breasts weren't called boobs anymore, they were rocks. Big, hard, painful, throbbing, tear-inducing rocks. I hated them. I remember expressing whilst showering because of engorgement and just wishing they didn't even exist. When I weaned, the super rough massage with a facewasher in the shower three times a day became my routine. I was not kind to them and payed the price once my milk had gone. 

Transition from here to 6 months ago. I had a one year old daughter, I was 21 and I had the boobs of an 80 year old. The thought of ever wearing a bikini without padding or god forbid ever getting into a relationship and having to expose the dreaded things... it was nerve wracking. This is when I realised the extent of the damage I had caused with such harsh scrubbing in a bid to get rid of my milk quickly. I had damaged the elasticity in my breast tissue.

Fast forward to now. I am 5 months pregnant and my boobs enter the room before my bump. Maybe it isn't that extreme, but gosh it certainly feels that way. Not only are they heavy and humongous, but they hurt. Hurt. Like. Hell. I splurged on ugly and comfortable bras and wear nothing but maternity underwear. I sleep with a support singlet on and take note of my slacking posture.

This pregnancy I am also booked in to see a lactation consultant. I am planning to meet with and talk through the problems I had with breastfeeding the first time around before the baby is even here. I want to arm myself with as much knowledge and support now, so I can utilise it best once the 'rock stage' arrives.

If you are still reading after all this graphic speak of my lady bits, (which if you are a mother, I think you might be) there are a few things I would like to remind you of. Things I wish had been drilled into me before becoming pregnant the first time. 


The simplest and most important...

*  Look after your assets ladies. Treat your boobs with care and respect. Be gentle.

*  See a lactation consultant before problems arise, prepare for the worst and anticipate improvement

* Splurge on numerous maternity bras and actually wear them. Don't be tempted to squish into a deadly underwired thing for a special event- it wont be worth the pain.

* Still regularly check for lumps and consult with your doctor any worries.

* Look after your boobs. Did I already mention that one? No? well then, Look after your boobs!

The big reveal.

Twenty weeks of pregnancy not only marks the halfway milestone but also marks the time of a Fetal Morphology Scan. The scan is more commonly known as an Anomaly Scan, but 'anamoly' sounds so daunting. The scans main purpose is to check for abnormalities in the babies morphology; physical development and growth.

This Thursday we are having our Morphology Scan, I cant wait to see our little un-born bobbing about excitedly on the screen again. Not only are we excited to see our growing life on the screen but we are also anticipating the big reveal! I have had many people ask me throughout this pregnancy (and my last) whether we are finding out the sex or not, and have been quite surprised at the strong opinions of others about what should be done. I have had many people tell me that finding out the sex ruins the surprise and makes pregnancy 'less special', which got me thinking of my reasoning behind wanting to know the sex. Some couples will chose not to find out, other couples will chose to find out. Neither one is the right or wrong way.

These are some of the reasons that led us to decide on finding out the sex of our baby...

1. Organisation. I am a chronic planner, I write lists about my lists and have tomorrows schedule planned yesterday. The same principal applies to my pregnancy, in a time of unknown and uncontrollables, I like to feel somewhat organised. Preparing for the arrival of a girl or boy gives me a chance to prepare clothes, nursery design and names...plenty of time in advance. It helps settle my nerves.

2. Bonding.  Bonding with baby, for me, seems to increase when I know the sex. It helps me visualise my little one and imagine life with them beyond birth. I feel closer to my bump knowing what little being it contains.

3. Personalisation. Similar to bonding, my partner and I are able to personalise our pregnancy experience, we can begin to collect the clothing and pick the final name. We can talk together about our little son or daughter and start personalising their soon-to-be surroundings.

Of course, finding out the sex of the baby is not for everyone. Some couples prefer the excitement and anticipation of finding out at birth, some family members would prefer not knowing. There are valid reasons for each and every persons decision.


Did you find out the sex of your children during pregnancy? Did you enjoy finding out after birth instead? Share with me your stories and opinions, as always I would love to hear them!

Plenty of love, 

Our Journey; post 2.

The last two weeks have called for growth! My stomach is feeling huge already and I have certainly put on weight in all the wrong places. I feel as though my energy is a little renewed some days, however on other days I struggle to even get out of bed. Blood test results showed that my iron levels are low, although I have been taking iron supplements for months and months. I am looking into iron infusions as an option and hoping that better iron absorption in my body will lead to less fatigue. I feel as though I can barely hold my own head up on a 'bad day'.


Pregnancy hormones must be in full swing because my mood is terrible! I find myself lacking patience and becoming irritated super easily. Once in a bad mood, it is very hard to get out of it. Sometimes just taking myself to a quiet room and fuming is the only way to get through a 'pregnancy tantrum'. 

The most exciting pregnancy related event over the past two weeks has been feeling the tiny flutterings of movement. They are very faint and I can only feel them when laying down flat and concentrating, but still exciting all the same! I am really looking forward to feeling proper movement as the baby grows, it was one of my favourite things about my first pregnancy, I would lay on the couch most nights just giggling at the silly jolts, kicks and turns the baby would make.

I have been doing a little bit of reading here and there about labour, birth and breastfeeding. I know that experience is far more valuable than words on paper, but I still feel as though I need a refresher. This pregnancy, I definitely feel more relaxed and casual. I have planned less, stressed less and thought less. Not because I care less but simply because I am enjoying the moment. There will come a time for planning and last minute preparations, but for now I am just being.

Perhaps it is because I am so distracted with a toddler, relationship, work and household...but this time around I feel less pregnant. Maybe I am overlooking the tiny niggles that bothered me in the first pregnancy and my body is well adapted to the changes. So much so, that I don't feel changed as such? I am certainly looking forward to becoming more pregnant, feeling more pregnant and getting closer to the countdown to baby! 


Looking forward to sharing weeks 17 onwards with you soon!

Plenty of love,

Nom, Nom, Ninner time.

Source

Stella has taken to shouting out "Ninner ninner ninner!" in a very cute tune when she knows dinner is ready, or is anticipating its arrival. This is a significant change from the dinner time dramas we were having two months ago.

Stella would refuse to eat anything that wasn't mashed, or familiar. If it looked new, forget it. It would get thrown and screamed at. For three whole weeks she lived off nothing but yogurt and crackers and I was beginning to get very, very, very frustrated. Dinner time was dreaded in our household. After doing a little research and speaking to our local Child Health Nurse, I felt reassured that her food strikes were quite normal, and with a bit of encouragement would most likely correct themselves. I read a lot of information and received lots of advice that just seemed like common sense, but didn't actually work regardless. In the end, I threw away the rule book and sat down with pen and paper.

I analysed our dinner time antics, trying to pinpoint problems and reflect on rare successes. I wrote list after list of foods that were disliked, rejected, not yet tried and well loved. I then wrote a big grocery list and highlighted some meal ideas in a government funded information booklet I had received. Armed with an abundance of food ideas and new found inspiration, I was ready to tackle the D time. I had the resources to help me through this horrid phase, but what I couldnt find in a book was my attitude. I knew that Stella was picking up on my frustrations and stress which was in turn making our troubles worse. With a deep breath and a fresh mind, I honestly think that over 50% of our new found happily munching toddler came from mamas attitude change.

I thought I would share with you some of the ideas I had and changes we made in our household that have got us to this final point of success. Some may be different to what you have read in your mad frustration fuelled google searches and I hope that maybe I can give you some sense of relief that it will get better. Sometimes reading advice from the 'experts' can be more disheartening than helpful, I am no expert...Just a mother like you, hanging out for drink at the end of a long toddler taming day (well, a mocktail in my case)

Dreaded Dinner Time tips...

* Rest assured how normal this is. Be it caused by teething, new-found independence or a developmental phase...It is normal.

* Remember that all children are different. Little Freddy down the road may eat wonderfully every day, but little Freddy isn't your little Johnny.

* Resist the urge to show anger or frustration in front of your child, this will only harbour negativity during meal times and children very quickly pick up tension, making dinner anticipation stressful for all.

* Pretend not to be phased. Try to adjust your attitude; even if it means faking it. Sing songs whilst cooking dinner, do a special 'dinner dance', get overly excited about the colours of certain fruits and vegetables. It may not seem like its working, but it will make a difference eventually.

* consider the eating environment. Is the child too far away from the rest of the family? Too close to a television or playroom? Also consider eating times, Is your baby too tired? Simply not hungry enough? If possible, can you eat alongside them? 

* Practice what you preach. Yep, that means eating all your veggies too ma! And not pushing your peas to the side, otherwise you'll have a toddler making airplaine noises whilst directing them up your nose.

* Never underestimate the power of a bright new bowl and a funky new spoon. Boon have beautifully bright colours and suction on the bottom of bowls to prevent spaghetti style wall paper.

* Praise, Praise, Praise! If your child does eventually (usually in their own time) try something new or finally eat all that potato, praise them wholeheartedly. Stickers are great treats, as are cuddles and kisses. Sometimes a little sweet treat is totally warranted too...shhhh.. I won't tell anyone!

If all else fails, visit your Child Health Nurse or Doctor and get some advice from an outsider. Avoid talking to other mothers in too much detail about what their children eat, you'll find yourself unnecessarily comparing and worrying. Do however, ask about sneaky little tips and tricks that may have worked for them.

How did you survive the food wars of toddlerhood? Was there a piece of advice that stuck with you and helped you through?

Happy, messy, toddler 'ninner' time!

The story of Malachi.

Being the mother of a toddler which can be challenging enough in itself, I find myself wondering how parents of children with special needs manage to stay so positive and strong. I have a friend with a three year old son, who has Autism. She manages to keep a brave face, remain calm and speaks about her experience in a positive light.

I thought I would share with you her story, The Story of Malachi. 

" I was overjoyed the day Malachi was born, it was one of the happiest days of my life. He was a happy baby and completely healthy. He was born a little earlier than I'd like, a little yellow but soon enough he was just a normal baby. A close friend had a little boy the same age so for the first year they grew up together before we decided to move.

When Malachi turned one I started to notice his speech wasn't were it should have been at all, however I decided not to worry I'd take him to see the health nurse. I visited our local health nurse and she barely even looked at him! She said to give it a year or two then we'd do something about it. I decided that that was just not good enough for me. I rang St. Giles (A provider of children's therapy services) and asked if I could please be put on the waiting list for a speech therapist. In my mind his speech was his only problem. After being on the waiting list for a year we finally got the call we'd been waiting for; SPEECH THERAPY TIME! Also around this time I noticed that Malachi was not a very social baby when it came to other children. For this reason I decided to put him in family day care so that there weren't many children and after a while his family day care career got concerned.

After 6 months of speech therapy we went back for a usual session. The therapist seemed nervous... She sat me down and told me that Malachi had made very little progress and believed he had some symptoms of Autism. I thought very little of it. Then he was refereed to see a occupational therapist and a teacher. Both when they met him had concerns. More time went on and in some areas he showed no signs of improvement. We then were referred to see a pediatrician who said he was on the Autism spectrum and that we need to get into the Autism assessment team as soon as possible. Before we can do that Malachi needs to have blood and urine samples to make sure that he hasn't got any genetic disorders before they make their final verdict on his condition. They all believe he is mildly Autistic.

This year Malachi starts pre-kinder so his therapy will become more intense and he'll be starting on a programme hat teaches him how to use visuals to communicate with me, called the PECS programme. So he can communicate to me without frustration which causes alot of tantrums when he can't explain what he wants or needs. We have been granted funding to get a private specialist. In Malachis case early intervention will help him be ready for the future.

Every time I meet someone new I get asked a million and one questions. The thing I struggle with the most is taking Malachi to a playground and watching as he tries to play with other children. The other children ignore him because he can't communicate. It hurts that my nearly 3 year old has to deal with that. My personal advice would be if the professionals don't take your concerns seriously, don't give up. If I had not had this feeling and stuck with it we wouldn't be able to have early intervention. My advice would be follow your heart. If you know that something is wrong with your child or you have fears don't seek just one opinion but see two or three people to make sure ."

These links may be helpful if you suspect your child has difficulties or are concerned at all about their development. Early intervention and incredible support networks can often help parents deal with the challenges of raising a child with special needs.

St Giles 
PECS programme
Autism Tasmania

Happy parents equals happy children.

Happy parents equals happy children; equals happy parents.

I have heard a lot lately on the effect that a parents attitude, mood and behaviour can have and does have on children. Children read us. They are far more intuitive than we give them credit for.

After reading the quote "Happy children equals happy parents equals happy children" and having a particularly testing week with Stellas attitude, I decided that I would make a conscious effort to change my reactions to certain situations around our home. Instead of showing stress and frustration on my face and in front of Stella, I would put out an aura of cool, calm and collected. Whether I felt that way or not, that is the way my face looked, the way my attitude seemed. It's like the contagious smile theory, smile on the outside and you will feel a little happier on the inside. Pretending to be cool, calm and collected actually made me a little more C, C and C.

Sure enough, being the intuitive little bean she is, Stella picked up on my new found mood and reflected it for herself. I saw an ever so subtle, yet unmistakable change in her temperament. She seemed easier to manage during a tantrum and during 'arsenic hour'. Either that or I was managing with my own temperament a little easier. It is incredible the effect that such a small and easy change has made to our days. As simple as erasing a frown and adding a smile or replacing a sigh with a whistle. 

If you do one thing today as a parent to make your days a little more pleasant and the hard times a little easier, let it be smile. Pretend you are calm, pretend you are carefree and relaxed...Your attitude, behaviour and your childs attitude and behaviour should follow suit.

Lesson of the week; If you think you are, then you are.  Repeat after me... "I am cool, calm and collected". 

Post Natal Depression; Increasing awareness.

Post-Natal Depression has over the years become more acceptable to talk about. We all see the advertisements on the television and hear our midwives questioning our feelings, but how often do you hear a 'real' mums story? Someone who is your age? Someone who lives in your neighbourhood. I think that these stories reach into our hearts and touch us far more significantly that the odd rehearsed acting staring at us from the TV.

This is Zoes story, a young woman who is local to me and is the same age. I hope her story may help you understand Post-Natal Depression a little better or perhaps even help you recognise signs of PND in yourself or your loved ones. Thank you so much to Zoe for being so brave and sharing.

"Post-Natal Depression. When most people hear this, they think of a mother that has lost control, who can't handle the cries of their baby, and is at risk of seriously hurting their baby or themselves. This is not totally true. Yes, there is a risk of the mother hurting themselves or their child and the crying is always hard to handle, but they usually seem fairly normal and in control.

My name is Zoe, and I suffer from Post-Natal Depression.

Not long after my first born came along, I suffered the 'baby blues' - the baby blues are different to post natal depression - and I got over that pretty quickly. I felt on top of the world. My relationship was fine, my daughter was beautiful and we had just moved into our own little place just for the 3 of us. Life was fantastic. Then when my daughter was around 8 weeks old, something hit me. Almost like a tonne of bricks. I was feeling tired, sad, confused, but mostly angry. I would get so mad I would cry. I couldn't understand why I would feel that way when my whole life was coming together perfectly.

I tried to deal with it on my own and bottle up how I was feeling. I found it hard to connect with the gorgeous little girl I had around me all the time. I felt like I was baby sitting, and not actually being a mother. Finally I went to an appointment for my daughter at a Child Heath Clinic just for a general check in. While I was there they asked me to fill in the Post-Natal Depression Quiz. So I did. One of the Questions was "Do you feel like you may harm yourself or your baby?" 3 options to choose from - Sometimes, always and never. When I got to this questions I stopped and hesitated. Right then and there, I knew something wasn't right with how I felt and I had to be serious and truthful. I answered "sometimes". Not to hurting my daughter, I would never in a million years hurt my children. But it was for me. I wasn't well, and after accepting that I sought help.

I went to the doctor and got medicated. I was on the road to recovery. I was only 18 at the time, and thought I could handle things without the medication. I stopped too early, but with a supportive family I made it through and was on top of the world again.

September last year I was blessed enough to give birth to another beautiful girl. This time I was with another man. An amazing, supportive, generous man. Things were yet again great. I barely got the baby blues and thought this time I was going to skip the depression. But, I knew the warning signs and sought help straight away. I was breastfeeding at the time, so took a small dose of my medication. But something I did different this time, was I spoke to a professional. I went to a social worker. I think this decision was the best one I could make for a full recovery. I stopped my medication again for a while and stopped seeing a social worker due to car problems. I wasn't ready to stop and went down fast.

Yesterday I went back to the doctor, I told him exactly how I felt. And he was understanding - it is not uncommon to have PND. I am going back to my social worker starting next week and I am actually looking forward to it.

I thought I'd share with you some of the practical and 'real life' things I am currently doing in order to tackle my Post-Natal Depression. I hope that this information is far more helpful for you than the hard to connect with stories seen on television or in magazines. These things aren't life changing or dramatic, they aren't hard or unreachable. They are simple and achievable steps you can take right this very minute to start making yourself better.

3 things I am currently doing to help myself are; 
* Eat better
* Get out of the house
* Seeking the help I need


If you don't feel comfortable seeing a social worker, choose a close friend or family member. Talking really helps. So many emotions go around when PND arises and talking helps ease the burden.

The steps I found easiest to take were:

* Talking to my local Child Health Nurse - they can give you pamphlets and make necessary      appointments for you

* Talk to  a family member, be it your partner/mother/friend - someone you trust

* Actually go to your appointments. Most doctors will tailor a medication around your needs. Small dose, large dose, if your are breastfeeding, not breastfeeding. Its well worth it.

Seeing a doctor may be a little daunting and confronting, but not going could bring a whole new set of problems. It is normal to have the 'baby blues' a week or so after the baby is born, but remember it is not normal to continue feeling that way. Confide in someone, they won't judge you. Ever. It is your job as a parent to make sure you look after yourself as well as your baby."

The Three P's by Mr P.

I have introduced you to Mr Perfect here before. He's still here, and still as perfect as ever. Even more perfect when he asked me to guest post on my blog. Yep, he asked me. He had already written a draft and was nervous about sending it to me. I must admit, when I read it I smiled like a child at Christmas, and smiled and smiled for hours later.

Without further ado, here is his first post. My heart is swelling just reading it again!

Three (P)eas in a pod

I always struggle with first liners, however so many precede mine that I’ve found it easy to go with the flow. For those who are up to date with this blog, I need not give myself an introduction. For those who are not, I suggest you do some reading as I assure you, you’ll be better off for doing so.

It’s not too often a person finds themselves in the situation I have, falling in love at a 1st birthday party...so I wish to share the story and insight from my perspective in dating a single mama.

Not only does the title of this post refer to obviously Natalie, Stella and myself...it refers to three defining “P” words that are important in sharing my experience..

The first is required in everyday life, irrespective of the context or situation you find yourself in. However, PATIENCE is required to be mastered when dating a single mother. Prior to Nat and I being “official” as a couple, I found it important to demonstrate this to myself and to Nat. I understood the situation and knew that my patience was required. I knew that in doing so, I would be welcomed into her own, and Stella lives. Baby steps.

When the time came to bring Stella into the equation, not just verbally...but physically I found myself learning new skills and patience for which I did not know I had. For example, it takes a lot longer to get ready, or to pack a car when heading out. I found myself required to venture into an aisle in the supermarket I never had to prior, or the need to constantly say “excuse me” to strangers whilst pushing a pram. Speaking from a new experience, I assure any reader that the enjoyment that is brought is definitely worth the wait..

And so, my second point; A “rule” that is required in dating a single mother...PRIORITIES & PLANNING... Let it be known I like to be somewhat romantic, and like nothing more than wining & dining or cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. As a male in my instance, dating a single mother however has its restrictions. You need to be someone completely unselfish and open to the fact that you are not going to be put first in a lot of situations. Before committing to this kind of relationship, it needs to be known that another’s child is always going to come first, therefore I found it extremely important to always plan ahead. As I understood the situation early, I asked Nat to go to dinner with me three weeks before the intended date. Time spent catching up on sleep or with other friends, planning someone to mind Stella, work commitments etc were only some of the possible restrictions to cross my mind. (For the record, the date was everything I had dreamed and as far as I am concerned, from that night on Nat was now no longer a “single” mother)


I know that my last point remains the most crucial, and important to everyone involved...a PASSION for PARENTING...I consider myself to have always been a family man and hold this as the most important aspect (after my own health) in my life. Parenting is for some people, and for others it is not...I for example, have always completely loved children. However being directly involved in all the “nitty gritty” in caring for child was no exception, I was sucked in.. I fell in love with the connection I witnessed between Mother and Daughter, and with the one that was created between the three of us for ourselves. I fell in love with two girls and knew my heart was sold on not only the idea of continuing it into the future, but the excitement of becoming a father for myself one day.

I have found the experience nothing but rewarding, and give the following advice to readers:

•   To people curious of the idea on dating a single parent – Do your research, learn and understand the situation. If you are prepared to wait, you will find yourself in a completely honest, loyal and extremely loving three (or more) way relationship
•   To any single parents – NEVER give up hope. If your heart so desires, I assure you that the right person is out there for you. Give him or her the time to understand your situation, and to work out for themselves what is required. Trust me, we’re out there!

As expected it can be difficult at times, but at the end of the day I know that we have the love and patience to get through anything. Together.

I love Stella, and I am in love with her Mother.. There is a future for us, I have never been more certain... and in good time I see myself asking the penultimate question...also beginning with “P” *wink wink*

Watch this space!
Nick.

Coping with not coping.

Parenting is without a doubt, hard. And at times it is hard to cope. Some of us struggle quietly, some of us struggle loudly and publicly...the moral of the story being that at some point in time, some of us, a lot of us, perhaps most of us, struggle.

That's part of parenting! It's OK to struggle, it's OK to not be coping. But what is important is how to cope with not coping. I'm not talking about the more serious struggles of post natal depression; that is something that shouldn't be swept under the carpet. But, more so the day to day struggles and "Im not coping" moments a lot of us experience.

In complete honesty, The last fortnight has called for screams of  "I'm not coping" far too often. Blame it on hormones, blame it on the increasing tantrums or even blame it on the incident where apple puree was squirted up the entire length of a perfectly white wall. And then rubbed in for good measure.

I had a lightbulb moment right in the midst of an "I'm not coping" moment, I don't know where it came from or what induced it but a feeling of control came over me and I found myself saying, "You know what? I can cope with not coping". I am going to run with it, let it finish its course. I'm not coping overly well right now, but dammit, I am coping with not coping!

In my lightbulb moment, I thought I'd share with my readers my favourite ways of coping with not coping. Not everything works for everyone, parenting isn't a OSFA. But in moments of "Im not coping", I hope this may help a smidgen or even a smidgen plus some!


How to cope with not coping. 

1. Remember; This too shall pass. Whatever the woe, whatever the worry, It will soon change dynamics. Teething will be over and tantrums will begin, tantrums will be over and toilet training will begin. Parenting is forever changing, whatever your woe is now remember that all too soon it will pass and something else will begin. Perhaps you'll even wish back time to a previous woe!

2. Let it out. Call a friend and moan until you can moan no more, e-mail another mother for advice, vent your frustrations in a diary. In any way that you can, let it out to a third party. Being a single parent, I sometimes find myself venting within reason to my own daughter. "Mummy is sad, Stella is sad and we are both grumpy. We are just not getting along very well today are we baby?" However, if like me you are going to vent to your child who has no idea what you are talking about...do so within reason. No swearing, use simple words, don't hurt their feelings. Common sense really.

3. Get out. This is the most valuable way of coping with not coping for me. I know i'll procrastinate about it, but I also know how good it will feel later on. Get out of there. Drop the mess, grab some shoes, grab your baby, take a deep breath and go. Go to the park, the supermarket, the city, a friends house, even to the backyard. Just go, get out.

4. Cry. Crying makes me feel refreshed, calmer and almost detoxed of my sadness. Have a good, therapeutic cry. Preferably not in front of your child. This week my cry was subjected to a Optus mobile telemarketer.

5. Junk food and a glass of wine. Sometimes, this is the only way that coping with not coping feels achievable. I'm not advocating poor eating habits or bad drinking behaviours. But, when the baby is finally asleep and the house is silent. A glass or three of wine and a piece (or block) or chocolate makes everything seem a little more 'ok'.


I know that very soon, in fact almost already, the not coping stage will pass and parenting will seem a little more manageable and a little brighter again. If it weren't for the lows of the roller coaster, the highs wouldn't feel so euphoric. And there are plenty of highs to feel euphoric about; the kisses and the cuddles, the sleepy little snores and sighs, a little voice saying "Mummy", the realisation that you are doing the most important job of your life, raising the next generation. And, the total, unconditional love you hold for your child...that, is euphoric.