People Watching and Intention Parenting

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Today I observed a mother parenting. Not unusual as I must admit I am a little bit of a 'people watcher' at the best of times, and even more curious and intrigued when it comes to watching people parent.

What is unusual, is what I saw. I watched a young mother parent with intention and deliberation. I watched a mother who was aware of her child's emotions at every single moment; making her more able to control and predict his behaviour. I watched a mother be sensitive to her sons feelings while teaching him from right and wrong...while giving him an example of how to share, or an explained and valid reason why not to throw popcorn. I watched a mother guide and lead her child through play. I watched the trusting attachment she had with her son enable her to diffuse tantrums and redirect attention to positive behaviours.

I didn't see this mother, that some in our society may consider passive, run off her feet. I didn't see her pandering to her childs needs with desperation and indulgence. I didn't see her chanting meditation mantras whilst barefoot, I didn't see her chewing her 'vegan and organic only' food before transferring to his mouth.

I also didn't see a spoiled son. I didn't see an oversensitive child who was unable to cope with unpredictable social situations. I didn't see a child who was submissive with his peers or intimidated by authority. I didn't see a disobedient, self-centred, out of control toddler. I saw a toddler act within his developmental stage, I saw a toddler play with enthusiasm and excitement...at times struggling to share and at times frustrated. However, able to understand his own emotions that were validated and not dismissed by his mother.

I observed a young mother parent with intention and deliberation. Then I came home and read this article and was speechless with its accuracy. The notion that all 'passive and submissive' parents who entertain the idea of attachment parenting are raising a generation of disrespectful and violent youth shocks me, and all the things I observed whilst doing a spot of people watching proved to me, that this isn't the case.

The mother I was watching parented her child with love and passion, yet she wasn't exclusively an attachment parent or an exclusively authoritative parent. She was just a parent, mothering with intention and deliberation. I looked at her sensitivity and awareness in awe, I felt inspired by her.

So, you know what really gets me? The critics who say this mother is to blame for 'the trouble with kids today', or the critics who call her an 'alternative parent'. Whether you believe in the attachment theory or not, shouldn't we all be aiming to parent with intention and deliberation?

I don't know about you, but mothers like the one I watched today... truly inspire me. 

Plenty of love, 

Longing to Connect

Connection. It's something most parents yearn for with their children and many strive to achieve on a daily basis. It's something that for me, was easy to obtain when Stella was younger. There's plenty of opportune moments when snuggling up for a feed, rocking to a lullaby and settling to sleep, plenty of time to breathe in the quite and stillness of the moment and to gaze into your childs eyes.

Young babies rely on you wholly for physical and emotional comfort and if you give all you have...an indescribable degree of connection is formed. Connection achieved with the utmost of love; the unconditional and protective love that a parent holds for their child.

Now that Stella is older, there is less room for those sleepy cuddles and long relaxed gazes. With each month that she gets a little older, our days seem to be filled with more and more of those monotonous daily tasks. Setting boundaries and explaining the why's and hows of things seems to be what each moment is all about...and each moment seems to fly by with tested patience, tantrums and fixing what gets undone. I feel as though I am struggling to connect with Stella emotionally.

It's something I've been thinking about quite regularly... especially when at the end of the day, the only way I have been able to emotionally connect with my toddler is to lift her out of her bed once she's fallen into a deep sleep and cuddle her tightly. With all the exploring, running, eating and dancing that is done in a toddlers day, sitting down for a little moment of reconnection is certainly not feasible.

So, how? How do you reconnect with your child and bring back the bond amongst the daily banal? I am yet to find these answers but I will search within myself until I do. One of my favourite sources of inspiration as a mother at the moment is this blog written about Attachment Parenting. I find myself more and more drawn to this concept and the values is represents. It seems that attachment parenting has all the answers I need to get through these slight phases of insecurity and unsettlement, and the more I read, learn and research about the topic the more aware I am of my parenting abilities.

Tell me, have you ever felt a little disconnected from your child? Or had a longing to connect and bond like you did when they were so snuggly and dependant? How do you connect with such a busy little being in such a busy busy lifestyle?

Share with me your thoughts! I'd love to hear what you think.
Plenty of love,