Welcome To The World...

Welcome to the world, sweet girl. May the beginning of our journey with you be full of love, positivity and warmth.


A birth story in the near future will follow and many updates I am sure! But for now, we are soaking up these minutes and truly being in the moment. Enjoy the next few weeks of guest posts by some lovely people, they are wonderful reads!

Plenty of love, 

Inspiration to Nurture Naturally- Part II

In a very personal post recently, I shared with you my reasons for seeing a Lactation Consultant antenatally and how that appointment empowered me with both knowledge and inspiration for a positive feeding relationship with my new baby.

One of the many valuable pieces of information I walked away with that day, was the realisation that my inability to feed Stella was not caused by only one issue, but a multitude of variables that were in turn effecting each other. It was a tumble effect, one domino knocked down another and wobbled some more and so forth until eventually we crashed completely.

Up until recently, I had no idea what the issues actually were that contributed to my breastfeeding problems. With the help of a wonderfully supportive and kind Lactation Consultant we were able to uncover many notes by different midwives over the course of the first six days post birth, and bring light to the situation that I hadn't even known existed.
 
I thought I would share with you some of the obstacles we uncovered with my breastfeeding past, and how we are working to avoid these from happening the second time around. These may be common obstacles that first time mothers encounter and perhaps even help you along your journey of a positive feeding relationship also.


1. The effects of morphine. My labour progressed very quickly, much quicker than anticipated by the midwives looking after me. The dose of Morphine I had asked for was administered three hours prior to Stella being born, which in most cases is considered dangerous. This time frame was too short, therefor Stella was born with the effects of Morphine hindering her ability to feed. She had a lower apgar score (of 9), required oxygen and was rather drowsy and inactive making that first attempt at latching on and feeding challenging.

Although our current birth plan included the possible use of Morphine, we have since re-evaluated. With a very quick first labour, my second labour is likely to be just as quick or quicker (Oh please, I hope so!) If we can manage without Morphine and instead rely on other non-medical techniques, our chances of having an alert baby willing to feed have increased dramatically.

2. Assisted Attachment. Due to a drowsy little baby, I was assisted in Stella's first attachment to the breast. Studies have shown that the best way for a mother and baby to learn to breastfeed is to allow 'Baby Led Attachement'. Baby Led Attachment is one of the wonders of newborns, they have reflexes and abilities that enable them to strive for survival. This time around, I am going to let our baby try and attach for herself following skin to skin contact.

3. Damage and incorrect attachment. With the whirlwind of first time motherhood and the intimidating realisation that this baby was actually mine, the first six days of feeding were very clumsy. Attachment was incorrect causing severe pain, instead of getting help to fix attachment I tried to 'push through' and ended up with damaged nipples that were impossible to feed from. 

Once baby #2 is born, I am going to seek the assistance of a Lactation Consultant before leaving hospital. I want to make sure that attachment is right for us and will try, try and try again to get it as comfortable as it can possibly be. 

4. Expressing. When nipples are damaged, it is often recommended to express feed your baby while they heal. Unfortunately, express feeding isn't always something first-time mamas know much about and can actually do more harm than good. I rushed out and purchased a super expensive electric pump on day five, and it was one of the biggest regrets I have. Expressing with this pump worsened (and I believed actually caused) damage to my nipples. 

Hand expressing is a much gentler way to express and until feeding is well established and comfortable is the only way I'll express with baby #2. I learnt this lesson the hard and expensive way!

5. Emotion and Stress. Those first few weeks of parenting can be likened to a fight for survival. You are suddenly a mother, with a baby who is relying on you to live. You hold the key to their survival and also to your own. It is a time full of nerves, uncertainty and trepidation. Trying to master the art of breastfeeding amongst all of this can be difficult, add visitors and baby-gawkers to the mix and you have a whole new set of emotions to deal with regarding feeding and mothering; embarrassment and nervousness. 

Being able to relax is such an important part of the feeding process, it enables proper let-down and milk supply. Babies are also very responsive to a mothers emotions, and allowing stress to take over you physically and emotionally can transfer to the baby...which is not ideal for a positive feeding relationship. 

This is one of the main reasons behind my 'no visitors for now' rule. Being able to feed our baby is so very important to me, and I am making it my main priority until I feel like feeding is established and comfortable. I don't want to be working feeds around visitors to avoid embarrassment and I am well aware that feeding (much like last time) may require a lot of time, hard work and tears. Those first few weeks are so precious, and I know that our friends and family will understand how important working my way through the breastfeeding maze is. 

All of these different problems occurred within the first six days of my feeding experience with Stella and in all honesty; it was horrible. I had such high and perhaps naive hopes for breastfeeding and was heartbroken when my expectations were shot. Knowing the variables that contributed to our situation gives me the power to avoid them the second time around, I know every feeding relationship is very different...but I feel as though I am now wiser and better prepared.

What kind of problems did you encounter when feeding your newborn? Any of the above? I'd love to hear your stories. Stay reading for more in the Inspiration to Nurture Naturally series!
Plenty of love, 

Our Journey; Post 7

Here we are! Week 39 is upon us. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far, in the fantasy world of my imagination I thought our baby would be here by now. I also didn't believe my body could withhold the challenges and discomfort of pregnancy for yet another few weeks. I remember sobbing to Nick a fortnight ago... "I can't keep going! My body is broken, I can't make it". A little dramatic maybe, but honest all the same.

The last three weeks have been the biggest physical challenge I have ever faced. No wonder pregnancy and childbirth is likened to marathons and physical victories, I feel as though I have been dragged through race after race after race just getting through the daily basics. I certainly didn't feel like this towards the end of my pregnancy with Stella. I was eager to meet her, but could easily have stayed pregnancy another two weeks longer than the 42 I already was. Or perhaps it's a case of a deceptive memory, maybe I've forgotten how truly hard it can be.

The past few weeks have bought a number of new niggles with them. I began feeling incredibly dizzy, light headed, nauseous and unstable and this lasted for over a week. Frustratingly the midwives at our hospital couldn't figure out the cause of my extreme dizziness and made me feel stupid and embarrassed on a number of occasions. Eventually, with a visit to a really thorough and wonderful doctor she was able to give me a diagnosis of... Vertigo! Who would have thought!

Apparently the Vertigo is completely un-related to my pregnancy, although worsened by things like posture, back aches and bodily changes. She suggested a visit to a chiropractor for some therapy on my neck, but warned me that some people experience 'bouts' of Vertigo that last several weeks and then disappear. The dizziness has almost completely gone now, which is a total relief as I can walk around without feeling like I have downed a dozen cocktails.

Next on the niggle list is pelvic pain. Stella has began groaning when she sits or stands because she hears mama do it so much! I struggle to walk around the supermarket for more than ten  minutes and have a very distinct waddle. Oh pregnancy, the joys you bring!



Last night, Stella wrapped her present for the baby. She helped me with the sticky tape and we tied a pretty ribbon to the parcel before she placed it in the bassinet. I've also wrapped a sneaky little gift for the baby to give Stella upon their first meeting. That is a moment that I am anticipating with such elation, when two sisters meet for the very first time.

I am beyond ready for the birth now. I feel mentally prepared and our household couldn't be more willing to welcome a new little baby. Our bags are in the car, the bassinet sheets are crisp and clean and frozen meals fill the freezer. All we need now is the pain to start! This is the only time in my life I'll go to sleep at night and wish for pain to greet me!

We have tried nearly every DIY induction in the book, and everyday Nick asks me with cheek "Are you in labour yet?". Here's to hoping that the very last leg of our Journey is soon to eventuate...The final countdown is here!

Thankyou for following along with us and for all your kind words of support and excitement. I can't wait to introduce you to our newest baby girl very soon.
Plenty of love, 

Inspiration to Nurture Naturally- Part 1

Breastfeeding is not something I thought I'd ever write about on the blog. It's a topic that screams controversy, opinions and judgment. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, damned how you do! I promised myself it was something I'd steer clear of in written form.

But... here I am. Pregnant and typing about breastfeeding, because honestly... It has been on my mind A LOT.

From around 8 weeks along in our journey I have been dreaming regularly of our baby. I dream of holding her and feeding her. Sometimes I dream that there is some kind of physical boundary stopping me from feeding her, other times its just me and her; nursing and feeding. Every week since we found out our exciting news, I have had these dreams. I don't doubt that these dreams are reflective of my inner turmoil over failure to feed in the past and a deep longing desire to feed my baby. Even the image of a mother and baby nursing on television can bring me to a sobbing mess of emotions.

I didn't breastfeed Stella. A fact which although I rarely dare to admit or express; saddens me deeply. And something I'll talk about in more depth soon.

Last week, I very nervously waddled off to a private appointment with a Lactation Consultant. Getting the appointment itself was a challenge, although we are lucky enough to be offered these free and incredibly supportive services in our health system sometimes getting the necessary referrals and actual appointment dates written on paper is like pulling teeth. I had to practice my assertion and determination, which isn't something I feel confident and comfortable doing, but it got me the results I was looking for.

By the time I walked the hospital corridors and found reception I was puffed out and flushed. Not knowing what to expect and feeling intensely vulnerable only added to my breathless nerves. Would I have to strip off? Would the consultant be young? Old fashioned? Judgmental? Would I leave feeling relieved? Or stressed? Earlier that day I had assured Nick that I would be fine to go to the appointment on my own and wouldn't need him to leave work, but I found myself wishing I'd admitted how nervous I really was and asked him to come with me.

The woman who met with me was warm and encouraging. She spoke with kindness and could very obviously tell how nervous I was, she did her best to help me relax and feel at ease. We started by talking about why I was there. Why, when pregnant with my second child would I need the help of a lactation consultant? I should be a seasoned nurser by now, yes? That's the way I feel many midwives view my situation, they assume that because I am a second time mother, I am also a second time feeder and wont need much or any assistance with breastfeeding. In reality, I am a much like a first time feeder. Although, I would fight to say that this time around I am even more nervous and unexpecting. Perhaps something to do with that 'self-fulfilling prophecy' we tend to become victim to.

The most valuable thing I learnt from my 60 minute chat, is a message I will never forget. Feeding with Stella wasn't a failure. My inability to feed was caused by a domino tower of variables, all of which took it's toll on both me and my newborn emotionally, physically and mentally. This down-to-earth and sweet woman who is a mother herself injected me with more inspiration and determination that I ever felt possible in such a short and simple amount of time. She made me believe in myself, my abilities and made me feel proud regardless of my breastfeeding history.

I thought that within time I would share with you some of the obstacles we uncovered with my breastfeeding past, and how we are working to avoid these from happening the second time around. Many of these were not things I was even aware of at the time, and it is only with reflection and the follow up of numerous notes by midwives that I am able to distinguish what went wrong and why.

I cannot begin to describe how empowering that is, to have the knowledge of what caused certain feeding problems and what can be done about them in the future.

Seeing a lactation consultant antenatally has been the very best thing I have done. To any mama experiencing nerves, concerns or doubts...don't hesitate to push for that appointment. If you are discouraged by some midwives telling you to wait, trust your instinct and get a booking anyway. It could be the chat that inspires you for a positive feeding relationship with your new baby, and washes that guilt and regret away completely.

Stay reading over the next week for part II of my Inspiration to Nurture Naturally series, sharing with you my obstacles of the past.

Plenty of love, 

Our Journey; Post 6

We have now entered the stage known as 'The Struggle'. Every morning, I struggle to get out of bed. Everyday, I struggle to keep up with Stella and everynight, I struggle to move from the couch and do anything creative.

These last 5 weeks ideally is the time to really just breathe and relax. My body is in agreeance, but my brain? Well, it has other ideas. I have an abundance of creative thoughts flowing at the moment, and can't seem to quieten the little voice of inspiration in my head. I have yearnings to make, write and dream stronger than ever before; perhaps my pregnancy hormones are to thank? Despite the intensity of which the creative side of my brain is working, my body is pushed to the limit. I lay achingly on the couch while dreaming of all the things I could, would and want to be doing.

The last fortnight, I have become the queen of complaints. If my feet aren't swollen or my back isn't aching then it must be the reflux, heartburn or insomnia. Poor Nick has become accustomed to the list of niggles and can usually tell by my tone of whinge what the matter is. Although, it isn't all bad. And I have a wonderfully supportive partner to remind me this each and everyday. He reminds me of the huge challenge my body is undertaking and never lets me forget the importance of my job; being a mother and raising a toddler.

Last night, after a routine visit with the midwives we found that my blood pressure has risen slightly. Which would explain perfectly the intense headache and dizziness the last few days has brought with it. Urine tests confirmed that there are traces of protein, so we are currently on 'pre-eclampsia watch'. Nothing too alarming, just time to really try to relax and monitor what my body is telling me and being a little more aware of a headache or suddenly swollen hands.





Our baby's movements have become our nightly entertainment. She turns and moves with enough strength to jolt my hand from my stomach! I have become so aware of her sleep and awake patterns that I can predict the times she is ready to start a break-dancing session and count down to the hour in which she regularly gets the hiccups.
 
I have only a few things in my mental to-do list before we are graced with this baby's presence, mostly they revolve around intensely cleaning the house and soaking up any 'child free' time I may get. Nick and I have jokingly created a 'pre-family-of-four' bucket list and try to tick things off that we may not get the opportunity to do again for a long while. Watch an entire movie, dine out, jump in the car and go to the supermarket without packing a bag...the simple pleasure we will soon hang up for the time being.

May the next 4 weeks hurry along at the speed of light! I am so very ready to hold our baby and to no longer be struggling with the challenges of pregnancy. Although I am totally impatient, I am also jiggling with excitement at the realisation that it is only that... Only 4 weeks. And then we will be a family of four!

I am looking forward to sharing with you the very last leg of the baby race and a birth story of course!
Plenty of love, 

P.S. How amazing are our maternity shoot photos? These are a little sneakpeak, as we are yet to choose our final images. Tanya from TK's photography did such an amazing job, we are so very happy with them!

Mama needs a helping hand.

Art by Gearman Gallery

Written in every pregnancy book and talked about amongst parenting classes and midwives visits...is the topic of asking for help..."Let family and friends help you as much as they can, you'll need it".

I've always found the subject a little offensive at times. Almost insinuative that at some stage you will struggle, you will not be able to cope and you will need the help of others. Like any other slightly stubborn and driven young mama, I find that asking for help is not a phrase I am familiar with.

Yet, I have found myself in a position I have dreaded. An energetic young toddler needs me, loads and loads of washing stare at me, meals to be cooked taunt me and a house to be cleaned before me. Yet, here I am with a pregnant body that exhausts me with sleep constantly calling for me.

I am in a position where I need the help, and oh man, am I willing to take it!

Last week, a dear friend of mine spent her Saturday helping me clean my house. If you had told me 9 months ago that this would be the case I would have scoffed at you! Yet, here I was, letting her scrub the oven and wipe down the windows as she insisted. She also bought with her the hugest pumpkin I have ever seen and bags of fresh, homegrown vegetables. Instead of feeling insulted, I felt ever so grateful and lucky. 

I have learnt over the last few weeks that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it isn't admitting defeat. It is simply reaching out and accepting what is available to you, accepting the things that will make a tough time more pleasant and a struggling week a little easier. I hope that maybe one day I am in a position to do the same and to give back the help I've received, perhaps take a teeming toddler from a tired mamas hands for a few hours, or make an extra batch of lasagna for someones freezer.

After all, in this sometimes rough journey called Motherhood...Mamas need to look out for one another. 

I love this post I found recently on how to help a new mother. It gives 10 real, down-to-earth ways to help a new mama. What would you add to the list? And remember my 'rules for visiting a new mother' post? What would you change about the do's and dont's?

Did you accept help offered to you whilst pregnant or as a new mother? If you had your time over, would you have swallowed your pride and let the helping hand help?
Plenty of love, 

Our Birth Wishes

Well, I told myself that today was the day. The day to sit down, re-read the notes I have written over the past 8 months and finally write my birth plan. With my first pregnancy, I didn't have a birth plan. I was young and intimidated and thought that having certain wishes for the whole process made me seem demanding and high maintenance. I didn't feel confident enough in myself to have a vision and goal as to how I wanted my labour experience to be. Of course, no labour can be controlled and rarely do plans actually go to plan, but having preferences and desires written down can really help your support partner and midwifery team to create the experience you are wishing for. Many people I've spoken with are quite 'anti-birth plan' in fact, choosing to go with the flow and trust their bodies. I respect this view entirely as I am sure that having a rigid plan that doesn't actually go to plan could be really disheartening. I guess part of me likes the idea of a plan because it makes me feel prepared for the unknown, it gives a little false sense of security. If I replaced the word 'plan' with 'wishes'; this would be a little more reflective of the concept. These are our ultimate wishes, assuming there are no emergencies and I am able to birth naturally.

I am so excited to share this experience with Nick, but just as nervous as any first time mother! I thought I would share with you all our birth wishes.


Pre-labour and early labour

* I would prefer to avoid an induction. I would like to wait as long as possible for the onset of natural labour and if necessary be willing to try natural remedies and 'old wives tales' in an effort to bring labour on.

* In early labour I would like to try water therapy for pain relief. Using the bath and shower if this is comfortable at the time.

* We would like to consider a full water birth, if this feels right at the time and the midwives and doctors are able to support this decision. I would like my partner in the water with me.

* I would also like to use heatpacks for early pain relief

* I would like to try to remain as calm and relaxed as possible using breathing techniques, music and meditation support from my partner.

* I am happy to have medical students attend my labour, however not to have them involved in decision making or procedures (stitches post-birth, pain relief administration)

* My partner and I would like to document our labour and birth experience with many photos and note writing.

* We do not wish to have visitors or phone calls during labour.

* I would prefer to have the lighting dimmed as much as possible during labour and after birth.

Second and third stages of labour

* I would like to be encouraged to remain physically active to cope with pain and to encourage the progress of labour. I would like to be reminded and encouraged to try different labouring positions.

* My partner and I would like to be kept aware of the stages of labour we are going through and it's progression as well as regular discussions about our options and feelings about the labour.

* If possible, I would like to avoid excessive monitoring that may restrict my ability to move freely. If it is necessary that I am induced, I would like as much time free from monitors whilst in the second stage of labour so I am able to remain physically active and move in a way my body is asking me to. 

* I am happy to have morphine and gas. I do not want to have an epidural. If I change my mind during labour, I'd like to be reminded of the advantages and disadvantages of both morphine and an epidural.
 
* I do not want an episiotomy and would really like to avoid tearing. I am happy to try positions in which this can be achieved and would like guidance and reassurance from my midwives during the pushing stage to avoid this. However, I would prefer to tear than to have an episiotomy or intervention.

* Nick would like to help guide the baby when crowning and place the baby on me. Nick would also like to cut the cord.

Post birth

* I am happy to have Syntocinon to assist with the birth of the placenta.

* I would like to have naked skin to skin contact with our baby straight after birth. I would like to be reminded to remove clothing from my top-half before beginning the pushing stage.

* Nick would also like to have skin to skin contact with our baby in the hours after birth.

* I would like to see a Lactation Consultant as soon as possible after birth and receive as much assistance as possible from a Lactation Consultant during the days after birth and once discharged.

* We would like as much time as possible alone with our baby before being moved into the maternity ward or showered.

* I would prefer to have our baby sponge bathed only for the first few days and no soap/lotions/chemical products used until discharge.

* We would prefer not to have visitors in hospital especially if we are discharged early. We have informed people of our decisions but please kindly remind anyone who comes to visit that we would prefer them not to do so when not in the hospital environment. We would like to focus on bonding, feeding and settling with just the three of us and the midwives support for the first 2 days we are in hospital.

And that's it! Our plan that may not go to plan! Our wishes and desires for the way we want to bring out daughter into the world. I am so ready, so nervous and so excited all at once. Let the next 6 weeks fly by! I plan to share with you the reasons behind some of the decisions we have made in our plan over the next few weeks. Did you have a birth plan written before labour? Feel free to link me up to your birth plan posts, I would love to read some others!
Plenty of love, 

Sweet Child Of Ours

Sweet child,

I have an idea in my head and a feeling in my heart about who you are.

 I can picture you asleep and imagine your soft voice. You are delicate and quiet; a humble and honest little girl. You seem shy and reserved although not afraid to stand up for what you believe. You are content with the small things and see beauty in the mundane. Your eyes always speak louder than your voice.

Of course, these predictions may be completely wrong. You may be as equally confident  and adventurous as your older sister...But I have a feeling in my heart of  how you might be.

Not long now until you enter this world; we have been waiting for you. Your blankets are folded and your bed is made. Our arms are waiting to hold you close, our hands are ready to stroke your sweet head.

Love surrounds you whilst you continue to grow inside, We can't wait to meet you... 
our sweet little child.

Our Journey; Post 5

Can you believe it! Week 31 is upon us, the final countdown is officially on! It really does only feel like yesterday that I announced my pregnancy to the world. Although it has flown by, I can't remember what it feels like to bend down without huffing or what my knees look like.

The above image is one of the very few I have snapped of my bump in the last four weeks, and it captures how I am feeling perfectly. A little flat, a little puffy, a little frustrated and a lot tired. I have become increasingly frustrated with how physically incapable I am of getting things done, How can a busy busy mama possibly slow down!

Despite my frustrations and exhaustion, I am still eagerly awaiting the arrival of our baby with my all. A small corner of our bedroom has become her sweet little nook with neutral colours and a whimsical feel, I often lay in bed and stare at the space she will soon occupy, wondering what our lives will be like. Her abundance of shoes are lined up neatly in the drawers waiting for her little feet to fill them, the swaddles and blankets have been ironed and folded neatly, waiting to be wrapped around her warm little body. I feel confident in saying we are almost completely ready for her arrival, with only a few small items to tick off the list and prepare.

The labour jitters are certainly upon me, and I swear they are responsible for the pregnancy insomnia that pays a visit every night. With my first labour, I felt that I was physically fit and that my body was ready to give birth. I was exercising regularly and rarely ever sat still and I think this played a large part in how smoothly and quickly my labour travelled. This time, however, is a totally different story. I am unsure how my unfit body will perform with the challenging task ahead of it. A birth plan from a few months back has been drafted and stashed away amongst a pile of papers in a deep drawer, I really must pull it out again soon and re-evaluate my goals, wishes and preferences.

Lately, Stella has taken to pointing at all the new baby items around our house and exclaiming "The babys'!". She doesn't seem to mind that a few of her baby items have now been reclaimed, as she has got grown-up girl items in replacement. I am confident in her ability to be a wonderful big sister, although still very concerned about how I am going to juggle the tasks revolved around looking after two children. I want nothing more than equality between my girls, and it is something that is often on my mind. How to best create this equality and spread my love, time and devotion evenly. This is something I have written about this previously, wondering how far my heart can stretch and pondering all that is involved with going from one child to two.

Birthing and parenting classes at our local hospital start next week, and in all honesty... I couldn't be more excited! Put me in a room full of big bellies and plastic demonstration dolls on a Thursday night over a cocktail in a bar anytime! I am in desperate need of a refresher when it comes to the stages of labour, pain relief methods and settling techniques for newborns. It will be interesting to see if the second time around really does come with more confidence, because at times I feel like nothing more than a 'newbie' all over again. The thought of holding a tiny newborn baby and bringing her home not only excites me, but terrifies me all the same.

As I sit here now, I can't imagine how our lives will be in nine weeks time. Busier, more intense, more challenging but also far more enriched. These nine weeks will fly by, and then... I shall be a mama of two. Oh. My. Gosh!

Looking forward to sharing with you the very last leg of our journey! 
Plenty of love,

Bumps are beautiful?

Bumps of the baby kind are beautiful, right? I know I think so. The curve of a woman's stomach during pregnancy exudes a beauty that can't be faked. A glow from within that can't be applied with a brush. The way in which her hand falls instinctivly over her front to protect the life within. Her hair gleams thicker, her face; fuller.

So, why is it that pregnancy doesn't always feel beautiful? Lately, I have been spending many a minute admiring maternity photography in preparation for our pregnancy photo shoot. I've been collecting ideas and inspiration whilst being mesmerised by the beauty of a pregnant body. I've always found pregnancy to be incredibly and naturally beautiful, yet this time around during my second pregnancy I have felt very very far from beautiful. I look at the women in these photos and wish that I could so openly celebrate the physical changes my body is experiencing with similar pride. During my first pregnancy, I couldn't get enough of figure hugging, bump enhancing clothing and snapped a sneaky self portrait whenever the chance arose. I loved the way my body altered and though I am still reminded of the journey with faint stretchmarks, I look back and see beauty. This time around? This time is different.

It may have something to do with the heavier weight I began my pregnancy with. By no means overweight, but a heavier weight than I am used to. I have now totalled up a weight gain of 15 kilos, and with 12 weeks still ahead of me, I am dreading the rest that is to come. It really saddens me that at a time when I am supposed to be celebrating my bodys changes, I am dreading them. Instead of looking down at my bump like those picture perfect pregnancy models, I am looking at my thighs in the mirror and unable to hold back the tears.

Perhaps this 'picture perfect' ideal that the media portrays is the culprit? Google pregnancy and you will find bumps without stretchmarks and thighs without an extra kilo, women look radiant although unchanged. The real pregnant woman however needs that support around her hips from healthy kilograms and is most likely sporting a fuller, more rounded looking face. These real pregnant women are so rarely shown, that us Mother-to-be's are finding ourselves wasting precious time pinning pictures of maternity goddesses to our 'I wish' boards and feeling more and more depressed about our real body image.

Even the blogosphere is somewhat guilty. While each and every parenting blog I follow I love to bits, I am sometimes disheartened and well, yes I'll admit it... jealous, when every week a pregnancy fashion post features a slim looking, stress-free and well put together mama. We rarely talk about our feelings about the impending baby and our families, but instead focus on the cosmetics of pregnancy.

Whilst I have all these notions and theories, I have no answer for the problem. I once wrote this post titled 'The body of a mother'. Perhaps, I need to read my own words and look for that positivity and wisdom that I once felt so strongly.

What about you? Did you feel beautiful whilst pregnant? Or quite the opposite? How did you overcome body woes and self-esteem downs when carrying your baby? I would love to hear your stories, thoughts and feelings on the topic, so as always...feel free to share with me!
Plenty of love, 

Stitching at the seams

As mothers, we are the binding forces that hold our family together, the glue in the joints and the stitching at the seams. We watch over our children and partners with protective, nurturing eyes...always making sure that needs are being met and that desires are being fulfilled. But what happens when you start to lose your stick? When your thread becomes unstitched and you are no longer holding the seams together?

When you are a mother, having a 'bad few days' brings more than just feelings of the blue shade but also intense feelings of guilt. Guilt that you are unable to hold your own head up high, let alone help your children hold theirs. How can you encourage your toddler to laugh, when you, yourself are struggling to smile?

The past few days have been...really hard. It's not easy to open up and admit defeat to the world, let alone to yourself. But in doing so I actually feel slightly better. I imagined that caring for a toddler, whilst being pregnant would be hard, a lot harder than a first pregnancy. But I didn't imagine that it would seem very hard, so very suddenly. Everything felt manageable and in control one moment, only to feel like the worlds biggest challenge the next. The past few days, I found myself really struggling to juggle the day to day basics of my life. To get my toddler dressed and ready for an outing, as well as myself dressed and ready for an outing was becoming a physical and emotional challenge too large to tackle. To keep the house in some sort of orderly state was a challenge that although I wanted to tackle, I physically wasn't able. And when I find myself struggling to complete the daily basics of being a mother, the guilt that comes along with it fuels my overly emotional state. And overly emotional I certainly have been.

Perhaps its due to hitting that 6 monthly mark of pregnancy and the stress of knowing that very soon things will be changing very drastically. I also know my hormones are largely to blame for the unsteady emotional mama I have been. I've found myself unable to sleep at night with the fear of juggling two children playing in my mind, I've found myself in a puddly mess of tears when nothing in my wardrobe is fitting well or when catching sight of my thighs in the mirror. Shopping for baby items has become a teary, stressful venture rather than the exciting experience I want it to be.

I know that no one likes a Negative Nancy, but just as equally no one likes a Cheerful Charli so today I am posting as a Down-to-earth Darla. I may have had a bad few days, but I am hopeful that as my hormones level out a little and my pregnancy comes to an end I begin returning to the cool, calm and collected mama that I pride myself on being.

I owe such heartfelt thanks to my fiance Nick, he has forced me to stop and put my feet up and given me a shoulder to rest my head on. And that sneaky little post he wrote for me after a particularly bad day; so beautiful. 


Plenty of love,

Our Journey; Post 4

It's hard to fathom that in less than 3 months our baby will be here, greeting us with warm cuddles, sleepless nights and plenty of love. Compared to my first pregnancy, this one has flown by. Although it is a challenge to remember what it feels like to not be pregnant, I cant remember the non-pregnant me!

I am still struggling with a lack of physical energy, and have accepted the fact that this is motherhood; Feeling tired all the time is really just part and parcel of the journey. Instead, I am focusing on the best ways to deal with this lack of energy and learning how to pick myself up when it is really necessary. Admittedly, I have let the usual immaculate condition of our house slide a little and prioritised other areas that need my attention. Caring for Stella and ensuring her days are happy is my number one job, and also the one which seems to drain most of my energy. Second to that comes resting, relaxation and recreation; I am determined to enjoy this pregnancy and this stage in my life which I will one day look back on sentimentally. I don't want it to be filled with 'should haves'.

This is a similar attitude I am holding with regards to caring for our newborn, I am so beyond excited to have another beautiful life to nurture and welcome into our world. I don't want to look back in a years time and wish that I had soaked it up a little more or breathed it in a little deeper (which I sometimes do when looking back on my experience with Stella) I will be soaking up and breathing in all the beauty of this experience with every breath I have.

The past few weeks have been an exciting time for Nick, as he has been able to bond with our baby more and more. She has predictable patterns of movement at certain times during the day, with the most active being between 9pm and 11pm at night. This is one of my favourite times of the day, I lay down on our couch and just giggle with amusement at the jolts and wriggles that can be seen from the surface of my tummy. Nick often lays his head against my bump and talks with our baby, getting plenty of friendly kicks to the face in response.

If there are moments during my day when I can quietly lay and hold my hands on my stomach, I take them. Sometimes even catching the wriggles on my iPhone, so I can replay them back to Nick at the end of the day. I've found that this has really improved our relationship in regards to our pregnancy. It is very easy to feel as though you are experiencing something totally unexplainable, and at times totally alone. Likewise, it is common for fathers to feel as though they aren't included and are so isolated from the experience of pregnancy. We are both working to include each other as much as possible so that this experience is not mine, or his, it is ours. 

All in all, this pregnancy has been much like my first in that it is breezy. We haven't had any real health issues or scares and everything seems to be following the text books wonderfully. I am getting reflux, heartburn and Braxton Hicks, but this time around they seem far more manageable...just little niggles that remind me of the incredible job my body is currently doing. The next few weeks hold another appointment with our team of midwives, a glucose test for gestational diabetes and the booking of our maternity photoshoot!

I look forward to continuing the countdown with you all. 26 down, 14 to go!
Plenty of love, 

The Weird and Wonderful

Forget the bold and the beautiful, pregnancy is a tale of The weird and the wonderful!

Pregnancy does strange, strange things to you, and lately I have been a testimony for that truth. It is widely known that I am not skilled in the kitchen and other than to clean it meticulously I avoid that area of the house entirely. I have never had much patience or motivation to create meals and follow recipes, I am just not 'kitchen orientated'. However, pregnancy does weird and wonderful things.

During my first pregnancy I one day found myself in the kitchen baking banana muffins from scratch, it only happened once, but it was scary all the same. This pregnancy, I found myself strangely browsing the baking isles of supermarkets and homeware stores. Before I even realised what was happening I had accumulated a supply of ingredients, bakeware and cake decorating tools, which brings me to now...

I am baking once a week! (Yes, I did say...pregnancy is the tale of the weird and wonderful). I find myself enjoying these baking sessions so very much and I am even dreaming of whats beyond the standard cupcake! I am currently on the look out for a really basic and inspiring cake decorating book and can't help but return to that bakeware section of the store.

Are there any strange habits you developed during pregnancy? perhaps some little nesting quirks that surprised you?

Plenty of love, 

We are having...

Another girl! A little Sister for Stella! It was confirmed with another scan that our bundle of joy cooking away is in fact a girl, and despite how convinced I was of having a boy, she is a she!

Having two girls with just a two year age gap seems perfect, there is only 18 months between my sister and I and we grew up very close. As children we hated each other as often as we were the best of friends. As teenagers we became each others confidant and support. I hope Stella and her little sister have a similar close bond. Oh and dressing two little girls...how exciting!


Plenty of love,

Our Journey; Post 3

This leg of the race I am going to term as the 'discomfort stage'. We have had some unexpected hot weather which in turn mixed with a big belly and an energetic toddler has created a huffy puffy pregnancy monster. I am finding that I am often short of breath and feel as though I have been running a marathon when really all I have done is bent down to pick up a toy. People have told me I'm glowing, luckily for them they aren't aware I'm just sweating. I am yearning for the cooler change in weather terribly and have already day dreamt a new wardrobe to match.

I am starting to look noticeably pregnant now and often hear the comment 'Oh my gosh, you are big!" It's a strange observation to respond to, do I smile and say thankyou? Or nod in agreeance and dismiss the question of twins? In my head I am screaming "Tell me about it! You try being this big and running around like a headless chicken raising a family!"

We excitedly announced the 'big reveal' to friends and family after the Morphology Scan a few weeks back! We are expecting another girl! However... Upon a visit to the doctor a few days ago she admitted that it probably couldn't be called either way. So although our little bouncing babe looks like it could be a girl, she may well be a boy. We are hoping to get another sneak peak and more confirmation tomorrow with another scan!

One of my favourite things about this pregnancy over the past 3 weeks has been the way in which Stella has started to take note of my growing bump. She reaches up and gives it a little pat in the shower with a slightly puzzled look on her face. "Belly Belly!" she'll exclaim as if to say "woah Mum, hold off the cupcakes a little hey?!"

I have begun to notice a pattern to the kicks and wriggles baby gives, with the most distinct being when I finally slump into bed at the end of the day and when Stella is sitting on my lap watching her favourite pre-bedtime television show. Our little unborn also reacts excitedly to the sound of her Daddys voice, giving a happy kick in response to his Goo's and Gah's over my belly.

It is hard to believe that we have now passed the half way mark, the count-down to baby and Journey to the end of our pregnancy is creeping up quite quickly. There is still a lot to be done in the way of preparation, and I am just waiting for the nesting instinct to hit me like a tonne of bricks. I am both relaxed and nervous at the same time; more nervous about the preparation to be done rather than the birth and beyond. I can't wait to start washing sweet outfits, crafting sweet nursery items and writing endless to-do lists!

I am looking forward to sharing with you the remaining 20 weeks of Our Journey!
Plenty of love,