Inspiration to Nurture Naturally- Part II

In a very personal post recently, I shared with you my reasons for seeing a Lactation Consultant antenatally and how that appointment empowered me with both knowledge and inspiration for a positive feeding relationship with my new baby.

One of the many valuable pieces of information I walked away with that day, was the realisation that my inability to feed Stella was not caused by only one issue, but a multitude of variables that were in turn effecting each other. It was a tumble effect, one domino knocked down another and wobbled some more and so forth until eventually we crashed completely.

Up until recently, I had no idea what the issues actually were that contributed to my breastfeeding problems. With the help of a wonderfully supportive and kind Lactation Consultant we were able to uncover many notes by different midwives over the course of the first six days post birth, and bring light to the situation that I hadn't even known existed.
 
I thought I would share with you some of the obstacles we uncovered with my breastfeeding past, and how we are working to avoid these from happening the second time around. These may be common obstacles that first time mothers encounter and perhaps even help you along your journey of a positive feeding relationship also.


1. The effects of morphine. My labour progressed very quickly, much quicker than anticipated by the midwives looking after me. The dose of Morphine I had asked for was administered three hours prior to Stella being born, which in most cases is considered dangerous. This time frame was too short, therefor Stella was born with the effects of Morphine hindering her ability to feed. She had a lower apgar score (of 9), required oxygen and was rather drowsy and inactive making that first attempt at latching on and feeding challenging.

Although our current birth plan included the possible use of Morphine, we have since re-evaluated. With a very quick first labour, my second labour is likely to be just as quick or quicker (Oh please, I hope so!) If we can manage without Morphine and instead rely on other non-medical techniques, our chances of having an alert baby willing to feed have increased dramatically.

2. Assisted Attachment. Due to a drowsy little baby, I was assisted in Stella's first attachment to the breast. Studies have shown that the best way for a mother and baby to learn to breastfeed is to allow 'Baby Led Attachement'. Baby Led Attachment is one of the wonders of newborns, they have reflexes and abilities that enable them to strive for survival. This time around, I am going to let our baby try and attach for herself following skin to skin contact.

3. Damage and incorrect attachment. With the whirlwind of first time motherhood and the intimidating realisation that this baby was actually mine, the first six days of feeding were very clumsy. Attachment was incorrect causing severe pain, instead of getting help to fix attachment I tried to 'push through' and ended up with damaged nipples that were impossible to feed from. 

Once baby #2 is born, I am going to seek the assistance of a Lactation Consultant before leaving hospital. I want to make sure that attachment is right for us and will try, try and try again to get it as comfortable as it can possibly be. 

4. Expressing. When nipples are damaged, it is often recommended to express feed your baby while they heal. Unfortunately, express feeding isn't always something first-time mamas know much about and can actually do more harm than good. I rushed out and purchased a super expensive electric pump on day five, and it was one of the biggest regrets I have. Expressing with this pump worsened (and I believed actually caused) damage to my nipples. 

Hand expressing is a much gentler way to express and until feeding is well established and comfortable is the only way I'll express with baby #2. I learnt this lesson the hard and expensive way!

5. Emotion and Stress. Those first few weeks of parenting can be likened to a fight for survival. You are suddenly a mother, with a baby who is relying on you to live. You hold the key to their survival and also to your own. It is a time full of nerves, uncertainty and trepidation. Trying to master the art of breastfeeding amongst all of this can be difficult, add visitors and baby-gawkers to the mix and you have a whole new set of emotions to deal with regarding feeding and mothering; embarrassment and nervousness. 

Being able to relax is such an important part of the feeding process, it enables proper let-down and milk supply. Babies are also very responsive to a mothers emotions, and allowing stress to take over you physically and emotionally can transfer to the baby...which is not ideal for a positive feeding relationship. 

This is one of the main reasons behind my 'no visitors for now' rule. Being able to feed our baby is so very important to me, and I am making it my main priority until I feel like feeding is established and comfortable. I don't want to be working feeds around visitors to avoid embarrassment and I am well aware that feeding (much like last time) may require a lot of time, hard work and tears. Those first few weeks are so precious, and I know that our friends and family will understand how important working my way through the breastfeeding maze is. 

All of these different problems occurred within the first six days of my feeding experience with Stella and in all honesty; it was horrible. I had such high and perhaps naive hopes for breastfeeding and was heartbroken when my expectations were shot. Knowing the variables that contributed to our situation gives me the power to avoid them the second time around, I know every feeding relationship is very different...but I feel as though I am now wiser and better prepared.

What kind of problems did you encounter when feeding your newborn? Any of the above? I'd love to hear your stories. Stay reading for more in the Inspiration to Nurture Naturally series!
Plenty of love, 

Inspiration to Nurture Naturally- Part 1

Breastfeeding is not something I thought I'd ever write about on the blog. It's a topic that screams controversy, opinions and judgment. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, damned how you do! I promised myself it was something I'd steer clear of in written form.

But... here I am. Pregnant and typing about breastfeeding, because honestly... It has been on my mind A LOT.

From around 8 weeks along in our journey I have been dreaming regularly of our baby. I dream of holding her and feeding her. Sometimes I dream that there is some kind of physical boundary stopping me from feeding her, other times its just me and her; nursing and feeding. Every week since we found out our exciting news, I have had these dreams. I don't doubt that these dreams are reflective of my inner turmoil over failure to feed in the past and a deep longing desire to feed my baby. Even the image of a mother and baby nursing on television can bring me to a sobbing mess of emotions.

I didn't breastfeed Stella. A fact which although I rarely dare to admit or express; saddens me deeply. And something I'll talk about in more depth soon.

Last week, I very nervously waddled off to a private appointment with a Lactation Consultant. Getting the appointment itself was a challenge, although we are lucky enough to be offered these free and incredibly supportive services in our health system sometimes getting the necessary referrals and actual appointment dates written on paper is like pulling teeth. I had to practice my assertion and determination, which isn't something I feel confident and comfortable doing, but it got me the results I was looking for.

By the time I walked the hospital corridors and found reception I was puffed out and flushed. Not knowing what to expect and feeling intensely vulnerable only added to my breathless nerves. Would I have to strip off? Would the consultant be young? Old fashioned? Judgmental? Would I leave feeling relieved? Or stressed? Earlier that day I had assured Nick that I would be fine to go to the appointment on my own and wouldn't need him to leave work, but I found myself wishing I'd admitted how nervous I really was and asked him to come with me.

The woman who met with me was warm and encouraging. She spoke with kindness and could very obviously tell how nervous I was, she did her best to help me relax and feel at ease. We started by talking about why I was there. Why, when pregnant with my second child would I need the help of a lactation consultant? I should be a seasoned nurser by now, yes? That's the way I feel many midwives view my situation, they assume that because I am a second time mother, I am also a second time feeder and wont need much or any assistance with breastfeeding. In reality, I am a much like a first time feeder. Although, I would fight to say that this time around I am even more nervous and unexpecting. Perhaps something to do with that 'self-fulfilling prophecy' we tend to become victim to.

The most valuable thing I learnt from my 60 minute chat, is a message I will never forget. Feeding with Stella wasn't a failure. My inability to feed was caused by a domino tower of variables, all of which took it's toll on both me and my newborn emotionally, physically and mentally. This down-to-earth and sweet woman who is a mother herself injected me with more inspiration and determination that I ever felt possible in such a short and simple amount of time. She made me believe in myself, my abilities and made me feel proud regardless of my breastfeeding history.

I thought that within time I would share with you some of the obstacles we uncovered with my breastfeeding past, and how we are working to avoid these from happening the second time around. Many of these were not things I was even aware of at the time, and it is only with reflection and the follow up of numerous notes by midwives that I am able to distinguish what went wrong and why.

I cannot begin to describe how empowering that is, to have the knowledge of what caused certain feeding problems and what can be done about them in the future.

Seeing a lactation consultant antenatally has been the very best thing I have done. To any mama experiencing nerves, concerns or doubts...don't hesitate to push for that appointment. If you are discouraged by some midwives telling you to wait, trust your instinct and get a booking anyway. It could be the chat that inspires you for a positive feeding relationship with your new baby, and washes that guilt and regret away completely.

Stay reading over the next week for part II of my Inspiration to Nurture Naturally series, sharing with you my obstacles of the past.

Plenty of love, 

Bumps are beautiful?

Bumps of the baby kind are beautiful, right? I know I think so. The curve of a woman's stomach during pregnancy exudes a beauty that can't be faked. A glow from within that can't be applied with a brush. The way in which her hand falls instinctivly over her front to protect the life within. Her hair gleams thicker, her face; fuller.

So, why is it that pregnancy doesn't always feel beautiful? Lately, I have been spending many a minute admiring maternity photography in preparation for our pregnancy photo shoot. I've been collecting ideas and inspiration whilst being mesmerised by the beauty of a pregnant body. I've always found pregnancy to be incredibly and naturally beautiful, yet this time around during my second pregnancy I have felt very very far from beautiful. I look at the women in these photos and wish that I could so openly celebrate the physical changes my body is experiencing with similar pride. During my first pregnancy, I couldn't get enough of figure hugging, bump enhancing clothing and snapped a sneaky self portrait whenever the chance arose. I loved the way my body altered and though I am still reminded of the journey with faint stretchmarks, I look back and see beauty. This time around? This time is different.

It may have something to do with the heavier weight I began my pregnancy with. By no means overweight, but a heavier weight than I am used to. I have now totalled up a weight gain of 15 kilos, and with 12 weeks still ahead of me, I am dreading the rest that is to come. It really saddens me that at a time when I am supposed to be celebrating my bodys changes, I am dreading them. Instead of looking down at my bump like those picture perfect pregnancy models, I am looking at my thighs in the mirror and unable to hold back the tears.

Perhaps this 'picture perfect' ideal that the media portrays is the culprit? Google pregnancy and you will find bumps without stretchmarks and thighs without an extra kilo, women look radiant although unchanged. The real pregnant woman however needs that support around her hips from healthy kilograms and is most likely sporting a fuller, more rounded looking face. These real pregnant women are so rarely shown, that us Mother-to-be's are finding ourselves wasting precious time pinning pictures of maternity goddesses to our 'I wish' boards and feeling more and more depressed about our real body image.

Even the blogosphere is somewhat guilty. While each and every parenting blog I follow I love to bits, I am sometimes disheartened and well, yes I'll admit it... jealous, when every week a pregnancy fashion post features a slim looking, stress-free and well put together mama. We rarely talk about our feelings about the impending baby and our families, but instead focus on the cosmetics of pregnancy.

Whilst I have all these notions and theories, I have no answer for the problem. I once wrote this post titled 'The body of a mother'. Perhaps, I need to read my own words and look for that positivity and wisdom that I once felt so strongly.

What about you? Did you feel beautiful whilst pregnant? Or quite the opposite? How did you overcome body woes and self-esteem downs when carrying your baby? I would love to hear your stories, thoughts and feelings on the topic, so as always...feel free to share with me!
Plenty of love, 

Stitching at the seams

As mothers, we are the binding forces that hold our family together, the glue in the joints and the stitching at the seams. We watch over our children and partners with protective, nurturing eyes...always making sure that needs are being met and that desires are being fulfilled. But what happens when you start to lose your stick? When your thread becomes unstitched and you are no longer holding the seams together?

When you are a mother, having a 'bad few days' brings more than just feelings of the blue shade but also intense feelings of guilt. Guilt that you are unable to hold your own head up high, let alone help your children hold theirs. How can you encourage your toddler to laugh, when you, yourself are struggling to smile?

The past few days have been...really hard. It's not easy to open up and admit defeat to the world, let alone to yourself. But in doing so I actually feel slightly better. I imagined that caring for a toddler, whilst being pregnant would be hard, a lot harder than a first pregnancy. But I didn't imagine that it would seem very hard, so very suddenly. Everything felt manageable and in control one moment, only to feel like the worlds biggest challenge the next. The past few days, I found myself really struggling to juggle the day to day basics of my life. To get my toddler dressed and ready for an outing, as well as myself dressed and ready for an outing was becoming a physical and emotional challenge too large to tackle. To keep the house in some sort of orderly state was a challenge that although I wanted to tackle, I physically wasn't able. And when I find myself struggling to complete the daily basics of being a mother, the guilt that comes along with it fuels my overly emotional state. And overly emotional I certainly have been.

Perhaps its due to hitting that 6 monthly mark of pregnancy and the stress of knowing that very soon things will be changing very drastically. I also know my hormones are largely to blame for the unsteady emotional mama I have been. I've found myself unable to sleep at night with the fear of juggling two children playing in my mind, I've found myself in a puddly mess of tears when nothing in my wardrobe is fitting well or when catching sight of my thighs in the mirror. Shopping for baby items has become a teary, stressful venture rather than the exciting experience I want it to be.

I know that no one likes a Negative Nancy, but just as equally no one likes a Cheerful Charli so today I am posting as a Down-to-earth Darla. I may have had a bad few days, but I am hopeful that as my hormones level out a little and my pregnancy comes to an end I begin returning to the cool, calm and collected mama that I pride myself on being.

I owe such heartfelt thanks to my fiance Nick, he has forced me to stop and put my feet up and given me a shoulder to rest my head on. And that sneaky little post he wrote for me after a particularly bad day; so beautiful. 


Plenty of love,