This is the question that has been plaguing my thoughts a lot lately, it's one of my biggest insecurities about becoming a Mother of two. How far can my heart stretch? Do I have enough love to give two children the utmost adoration and care they deserve?
I often ponder what our new lifestyle will be like once baby #2 arrives and find that I am becoming increasingly nervous about the concept of balance between my first born and second born. With being a SAHM and also having been single for the first 12 months of motherhood, Stella gets such a highly concentrated dose of 'Mummy'. She is used to having my undivided attention and sharing me with only a few household chores. As a mother it is important to me to spend the time I have during the day being physically involved with her play and exploration. Occasionally I'll leave her to chitter chat to herself whilst building towers out of blocks, but a lot of the time I sit there with her, creating my own tower by her side.
I wonder how Stella is going to cope with the change of dynamics once the new baby arrives. Will she be able to cope with having her mama's attention elsewhere? With the extensive time and concentration that feeding can take in those first few weeks, I have a vision of being tied to the couch with a baby at the breast while Stella is feeling left out and vying for my attention by misbehaving, which will lead to feelings of resentment towards baby #2 as everyone is just paying it so much damn attention!
At the other end of the spectrum is the question of "Will I have enough room in my heart for another child?" I know I will (and already do) love this baby very much, but the love I have for Stella is overwhelmingly indescribable. Can I feel that for two children? How will my heart cope with all this intense love! In the late hours of the night when these thoughts are running through my head I often wonder, how does anyone successfully raise two children?! What have I gotten myself into!
I'm
hoping my brain decides to rest up a little soon and leave my train of
thought to more pleasant things, like cupcakes and bubble baths. I am really interested in hearing your thoughts on transitioning from one child to two (or three or four). Did you have these insecurities that kept you awake at night? How did you manage?
Plenty of love,
