A momentary lapse.

Some days I am up, some days I am down. Some weeks I fly at a hundred miles per hour, other weeks, well... I crawl. This is just how I am.

I have always had large bursts of motivation and inspiration...both creatively and just generally, when these bursts come they can last for a few days, a few weeks or even a few months. I am like a positive steam train, chugging along with my load in tow. No stopping, no hesitating... Just steaming along, quickly and productively. Then, My steam seems to fade and I start to slow. Sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks. I begin to crawl along dragging my load with resentment and struggle, until I find that steam again. This is just how I am.

Wouldn't it be lovely to always have balance within ourselves? To balance our energies and emotions so that no extreme ever took hold, and a happy medium of travelling was achieved. It would be lovely, but the reality is some of us rarely reach a happy medium and maintain it.

I've recently exerted all the positive energies I had waiting to be harnessed within. I spent weeks and weeks with to-do lists coming out of my ears. I was blogging daily, cleaning daily, baking daily and crafting daily. I was researching toddler development and adjusting our routines to best suit Stellas current learning patterns, I was creating new, fun and exciting activities for her and scheduling them in like clockwork. My manicure matched my pedicure and the bed was always crisply made. I was moving furniture, spring cleaning wardrobes, stocktaking paperwork and revamping finances. I was chugging along at the speed of light. Until... I just stopped. A week ago my train stopped.

I didn't want to get out of bed, I couldn't keep up with the washing or bother to cook a meal. I didn't want to face a lunchdate and grocery shopping seemed like a challenge. An unmade bed ruined my entire day and days and nights became one and the same. I slept in trackpants, that I wore the next day and my hair didn't get removed from its unwashed topknot for a week. I guess this kind of behaviour can be seen as socially unacceptable, as lazy and unmotivated, as strange and extreme. But, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that this is just how I am. These momentary lapses, are just that... momentary. I burn and burn until I burn out, then... I flick my light again and climb back on that train.

I recognise when my lapses occur and whilst I let them take hold for perhaps a week or two, my conscientious nature soon tries to take back to control. I seek it from within, or externally. A few close friends said to me earlier this week... " You've just got to try and refresh your perspective of why you need and want to do things and see the results that will follow". "Sometimes it's a struggle, but you've just gotta do it." I looked for my push, and I got it. So, Here I go... jumping back on my train. This is just how I am.  

Sometimes we just need to accept the way we are. Let your energies and emotions take over... even if just for a little while. Don't question it, just let it. And then seek back the control to be the best you know you can be.

What about you? Do you maintain a happy medium? Or like me, are you very high when you are up and very low when you are down?
Plenty of love,