Wednesday, May 2, 2012

A momentary lapse.

Some days I am up, some days I am down. Some weeks I fly at a hundred miles per hour, other weeks, well... I crawl. This is just how I am.

I have always had large bursts of motivation and inspiration...both creatively and just generally, when these bursts come they can last for a few days, a few weeks or even a few months. I am like a positive steam train, chugging along with my load in tow. No stopping, no hesitating... Just steaming along, quickly and productively. Then, My steam seems to fade and I start to slow. Sometimes for a few days, sometimes for a few weeks. I begin to crawl along dragging my load with resentment and struggle, until I find that steam again. This is just how I am.

Wouldn't it be lovely to always have balance within ourselves? To balance our energies and emotions so that no extreme ever took hold, and a happy medium of travelling was achieved. It would be lovely, but the reality is some of us rarely reach a happy medium and maintain it.

I've recently exerted all the positive energies I had waiting to be harnessed within. I spent weeks and weeks with to-do lists coming out of my ears. I was blogging daily, cleaning daily, baking daily and crafting daily. I was researching toddler development and adjusting our routines to best suit Stellas current learning patterns, I was creating new, fun and exciting activities for her and scheduling them in like clockwork. My manicure matched my pedicure and the bed was always crisply made. I was moving furniture, spring cleaning wardrobes, stocktaking paperwork and revamping finances. I was chugging along at the speed of light. Until... I just stopped. A week ago my train stopped.

I didn't want to get out of bed, I couldn't keep up with the washing or bother to cook a meal. I didn't want to face a lunchdate and grocery shopping seemed like a challenge. An unmade bed ruined my entire day and days and nights became one and the same. I slept in trackpants, that I wore the next day and my hair didn't get removed from its unwashed topknot for a week. I guess this kind of behaviour can be seen as socially unacceptable, as lazy and unmotivated, as strange and extreme. But, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that this is just how I am. These momentary lapses, are just that... momentary. I burn and burn until I burn out, then... I flick my light again and climb back on that train.

I recognise when my lapses occur and whilst I let them take hold for perhaps a week or two, my conscientious nature soon tries to take back to control. I seek it from within, or externally. A few close friends said to me earlier this week... " You've just got to try and refresh your perspective of why you need and want to do things and see the results that will follow". "Sometimes it's a struggle, but you've just gotta do it." I looked for my push, and I got it. So, Here I go... jumping back on my train. This is just how I am.  

Sometimes we just need to accept the way we are. Let your energies and emotions take over... even if just for a little while. Don't question it, just let it. And then seek back the control to be the best you know you can be.

What about you? Do you maintain a happy medium? Or like me, are you very high when you are up and very low when you are down?
Plenty of love,

winterlove blog natalie


  1. Glad to hear you are back on your steam train, I have been missing your posts and I'm not even a Mum! I find your blog interesting, inspiring and realistic. I too when I'm am happy I am super happy and motivated, but when I crash I crash big time.. Usually for longer then I intend, but I am getting used to the fact it's just me and that's life. I'm studying at the moment and that has made me feel alot of emotions I have never felt before!

    Well wishes your way xoxo

  2. You just summed me up exactly. My highs and lows used to bother me, though I have learnt to make the most of my creative energies when they set in. Energy in general actually lol.
    Sigh. To find some sort of consistancy in life would be bliss.


  3. While some sort of medium/constant state would be nice, I kind of enjoy the varied pace and level of enthusiasm that takes hold of me. When I'm low and lazy I'm recuperating, getting fresh perspective, thoughts simmering subconsciously, and then suddenly I'm back on the boil, rolling with energy and hot to go! The low times can sometimes feel like they will never end, and the high times can feel fleeting, in hindsight I spend more time on the boil than not- but I'm so anxious about losing the steam that it distracts me from realizing that the energy lasts longer then I think it will. When I'm down I like to think about what the artist Chuck Close says. "inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work". Chucks quote, and posts on this topic by inspiring bloggers like yourself help remind me that even the best of us feel blurgh some days, but that the best of us are the ones who saddle up even if they are still in their PJs at 4pm the next day...