Our week in words #2

My little girl is becoming less and less 'little' everyday. Each morning she wakes me up with her chit-chatting and I walk into her room to see her smiling up from her cot, her legs kicking excitedly ready to start the day. Each morning something has been different. Aside from the fact that she is growing like a trooper, she is changing emotionally too.

Separation anxiety has been a bit of an issue, apparently it is quite common for babies of this age as they learn who the main peeps are around them and associate them with safety and security. Early in the week it was at its most intense. I would put her down to play and she would cry. I would leave the room and she would cry. She was still waking every 3 hours during the night even though her teeth have come through, sickness has passed and she was a picture of health. She would only sleep with me in my bed (which is something I've never done before, she's always slept on her own). One particularly harrowing night she fell asleep with one hand on my face and one in my hair, as close as she possibly could be to me physically! It was totally adorable, and I loved the closeness but I know that I shouldn't indulge in it too much, I don't want to create habits I cannot break and disrupt the sleeping routine any more than it already has been.

Sleep is still shocking. She has never been a great sleeper, even as a young baby. But I was getting at least 7-12 hours out of her at a night this time 2 months ago. Going back to getting up 4 times a night was not pleasant. I am looking 40 years my senior and feel like a vegetable. How Stella manages to have energy to play and giggle on such little sleep is amazing! We are currently trying to follow a new routine (Which I will share with you later in the week) My friend Tahnii swears by this particular one and has a newborn and a 2 year old who both sleep through like clockwork. So, the book has not left my side. I am following it as strictly as I possibly can and hoping to see some results soon.

I must admit, this week has surfaced a few internal struggles and confusions. I am finding the balance between being a mature mother, trying to create security and predictability and dealing with a disrupted routine (or lack of any routine really) and being a sociable friend who is able to give all of myself to those I love, very hard. Both mentally and physically. Physically, I don't have the energy at the moment. One foot in front of the other is the maximum challenge my body can handle. Mentally, I don't have the confidence. I am feeling a little lost as to 'who' I am and find that my two personas so to speak (Mother and young girl) conflict with each other. I am reading a book at the moment which stated;
"You can't be one kind of person and another kind of parent".

I am the only one in my close circle who is a mother. I am changing as a person and am struggling to see where I belong. This is not to say that my friendships have lessened in value and importance at all. My heart still hold a very large spot for my loved ones. I am sure with time and experience things will become much, much clearer to me. (Gosh, that was cathartic!)

Onto lighter notes, Stella is chit-chit-chatting away like crazy. 'Daddadadda, Na na na, Noo noo noo, Yah yah yah, Num num num, Ma ma maa maa". It is so beautiful! She has also started little tantrums. Her face will go red, she'll straighten her legs and flap her arms and squeel squeel squeel! It is hilarious. I really have to hide my laughter. She was in her cot 'settling' herself to sleep earlier in the week and all I could hear was "No no nooo Mama ma". Made my heart flutter!

I had two play dates with young mums this week, Annalese with Arden (9 months) and Ali with Evie (8 months). It was lovely to see the babies together and how interested in each other they were. They stare at each other with such intrigue and wonder. Stella likes to 'touch' her friends, stroke their hair and hold their arms. Adorable! What I enjoy most about spending time with these people who I share so much in common with, is how much we can talk about in such little time. Solids, sleep, tantrums, talking, teeth, nappies, routines. And all within a matter of minutes we have shared stories, compared experiences and given each other handy hints. It almost gives me a breath of relief to be reassured that we are all in the same boat. We have the same worries and share similar problems. I don't spend enough time doing this, I would love to make the effort to do so more often. It really does help me feel like I am stumbling around on the right track, headed blindly in slightly the right direction.

And that, was a very long, slightly emotion-heavy description of our week! This week we have an 8 month check up with the Child Health Clinic, I have a date with my dear friends helping soph prepare for her big market and we continue the attempt at a new routine. I will write later in the week and share the routine we are following with you.

Time out- Sweet chili Cheese and crackers + parenting books.

A good read from Dr Phil, loving it so far!

Arden and Stella



An old favourite. Happy tunes.



Grocery shopping- Look at those peepers!



She wouldn't let me go all night.



can't shake the dark circles.



Evie and Stella



Enjoying a 'baby mum mum'- first cracker.



My dads latest painting- An abstract picture of me giving Stella an airoplane ride



How was your week? Can you empathise with any of what I am currently feeling? Thankyou for hearing me out and letting me unload on you!

Plenty of love...