A step forward.

Sweet, sweet Stella,

You took your first steps this week. In little pyjama clad feet, you wobbled and giggled as you stepped away from your comfort zone, away from the known. You stepped into a whole new world of freedom and exploration. Your very first steps.

Someday soon you will step out in sandals, into the sunshine and onto the soft, prickly grass. You will waddle and wander seeing things you may not have seen before.

Someday, you will step out in gumboots. You will experience rain and puddles from a new perspective. Instead of watching, you'll be there. Walking, jumping, splashing.

One day, you will step out in school shoes. With laces undone and a sandwiches packed, you'll step away from me, away from our home and into a wonderland of new.

One day, you may step out in dance shoes (or football boots), you will dream of what you want to become and enjoy what your not-so-infant like feet are capable of doing.

One day, you will step out in heels, wondering if your shoes are as pretty as the other girls and saying goodbye to those highschool years. You will wobble slightly, but catch yourself and stand tall, even if it means stepping out barefoot to dance in celebration.

One day, you will step out in 'grown up shoes', you'll walk the path of relationships, careers and choice. I know that the steps you take then, will be as precious as the steps you take now. Just as tentative, just as careful, yet equally as determined.

Just know, wherever you step, however you step... I'll be there to match each and every one and to catch you if you shall trip. Or if those nasty 6 inch heels break, you can step out in my mama shoes; they've been through quite a journey.

Oh, sweet child of mine.

 

Sweet, sweet Stella,

Yesterday you were 11 months old. Before you were born I dreamt about how I'd feel about you. I would write letters to you, think about holding you and try my hardest to imagine what I would feel. It was hard to imagine the kind of love I would hold for you. Every mother talked about it, calling it indescribable. And that it is; indescribable.

I look at you and just crumble with love. Protective love, proud love, unconditional love. I know that when our days are so busy and bustling, I forget to really appreciate life and what I have. But, when we have a quiet moment and I look into your eyes I am reminded. Reminded about what is really important, reminded of who I am and what I have.

Being your mother is the most challenging, fulfilling, and wonderful thing I have ever done and will ever do. Our family, whether it grows or stays small, will always be the utmost important thing to me.

I love you, I love us. 

Forever,
            Mum.

Dearest Diary

At the end of every day when Stella is asleep, I sit down and write in this little diary. Just about the days happenings and our comings and goings. Writing in her diary is my special reflective time of the day; the television is off, cup of tea in hand, scented wheat pack on my shoulders and bed is imminent.

I hope that one day when she is older she will enjoy reading back on the things she did in her first year of life and hopefully it will be special to her when she has children of her own.