Lovely Love Story.

I have been drafting this post in my head for the last nine days, and each time I come up with something I mentally scribble it out because I just cant do it justice. I can't recreate one the most incredible experience of my life in words. Just believe me when I say it was incredible.

It started with Mr Perfect blindfolding me after a long day at work and driving me to a secret destination. I tried to guess the corners and bends and estimate the distances, but this boy sure is good at putting me off the scent. After a leisurely blindfolded drive we arrived at...well, I didn't know where. I was led by his helping hand and stumbled through a doorway where I was instructed to remove my blindfold.

I was standing in my own home. The curtains were drawn and rose petals scattered the floor, leaving a sweet smelling pathway from the front door to what would usually be the playroom. I opened the playroom door, not really sure what I should be expecting, inside I found the most beautiful, romantic and tear inducing restaurant set up. Complete with the most amazing table decor I've ever seen. Everything that I loved adorned the table. There were even doilies on the walls with love notes and love words written. I was speechless and breathless.

What followed was a three course meal, a bottle of wine and some romantic music. It was like everything I had imagined as a little girl. It was the way love was described in fairy tales, movies and picture books. It was perfect.

After our dinner (Which involved no shoes and relaxed table manners) we took to the 'dance floor' for a little groove. Mid waltz Nick paused to reach for his pocket, I felt his grip loosen and his knee start to bend, before he even made it to the floor my hands reached for my face and a squeal escaped my throat. Here was the most beautiful soul I have ever met, before me on bended knee, holding a small box with a glistening white gold diamond ring inside. My mind and heart wanted to cry but all my body could do was squeal and giggle.

So, here we are. 9 days engaged and 9 thousand times in love. I never thought I was worthy of such a true, honest love....let alone believed it existed. But it does. This person is who I want to spend the rest of my life with and I knew this right from the very start. I want to share every experience, every high and every low with this man. Not one thing about it is wrong, there is not one thing I would change. I have never felt so sure, so right and so confident about anything.

Ahhhh love, you struck me when I least expected it. Raise your tea cup, wine glass or baby bottle...here is a cheers, to love!

...Plenty of love... 

How...romantic?

Its been a while since I've poured out my soul onto these keys, giving insight to the life of a young, single mother of a toddler. In all honesty not much has changed, life hasn't been about me at all. Life has revolved around taming the toddler. And taming the toddler I have tried.

More recently, I have been made to feel less like a mother and more like me by someone special. They say it's when you least expect it that you find happiness, or rather happiness and contentment finds you. And this it has. That someone special makes me forget that I am tired, makes me sit down and rest, forces me to eat a meal and rubs my head until my eyes begin to close. That someone special also offered to take me and my daughter out for lunch. A beautiful sentiment but...Oh, what a nightmare.

As a single mother, dating is immeasurably harder than what it would be sans children. On the rare occasions that my baby isn't around, I can be whisked away on romantic dinners or the like. But, more often than not, any kind of date involves my toddler too. Most men would run at this, not just a casual jog...but a record breaking sprint. This man, with an undisclosed identity for now, is not running. *Touches wood* for now, he is not.

Back to the lunch date...It sounded perfect. A small, but casual cafe just out of town. Room for the pram... not too quiet, not too busy. I packed the nappy wallet, the crackers, the fruit bars, the bread sticks, the dummy. I buckled her into the carseat and smiled at the sunshine beaming down. Stella had a giggle and spent the entire car ride chatting to herself. The first ten minutes of the joint mama + baby date was going well. Too well it seems.

We sat down with our menus and I stocked Stella up with crackers and pacifiers, we gazed into each others eyes and....then, it hit. The crackers were on the floor, the pacifiers thrown in a glass of water. She screamed to get out, then screamed to be up. She grabbed my salad bowl and aimed the dressing drenched leaves at the wall.

I tried to smile and speak calmly, I even tried the stern-in-public growly voice. People were turning in their chairs and giving me either a sympathetic smile or an annoyed glare. A mother with perfectly groomed 5 year old twin girls sat behind us, the girls whispered to their mother that "the baby over there is being naughty". If there was a hole in the ground, I'd be leaping into it and not looking back.

While my beyond perfect date hurriedly ate his lunch and paid our bill, I strapped Stella into her pram. The screams intensified and I could feel the stares burning into the back of my neck. I kept my head down and fought back tears with all my might. The  minute we got outside I couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears flowed and they didn't stop quickly. In an over-emotional mama state I had convinced myself that I'd ruined all chances of making a good impression with this incredible male species that had stolen my heart and had also convinced myself that my child was the devil.

This where my previously conceived ideas about relationships and men all vanished into thin air. He took my baby, he smiled and hugged us both.

Heart = stolen permanently.

Broken.

Source

"The past two months have been good. Not just good for obvious reasons (having an amazing daughter) but good for all sorts of reasons. I feel contented and happy, I feel grateful and passionate."

Today, I lifted the screen of laptop to find a post draft that I had started three nights ago. I should be finishing that draft and posting it, smiling when I've finished and getting on with being incredibly happy. But life has other ideas, things don't go to plan. You can be on top of the world one minute only to come crashing down the next.

My problems are trivial in the perspective of our worldly problems. So trivial, yet still painful. I have a broken heart. My chest actually hurts, the lump in my throat wont go away. I can't sleep, wont eat and have cried enough tears to rival our recent winter rainfall.

Truth is, I am cynical about love. I struggle to believe in its capabilities and have become more and more cynical over the years. Add in the slightly large elephant in the room; I am a single mother. Love now, seems impossible.

I wrote about being a single parent and dating a month or so ago, shortly after this post I took the leap. I dated, I let down my guards, I trusted and...completely unexpected, I loved. The problem with loving is that the huge red aura swelling from your heart can often blind you from reality, it makes everything glow. It makes food taste better, music sound sweeter and the future seem...irrelevant. All that matters is the now, and the now is wonderful.

The now was wonderful. But the future is real. I have a daughter, I am older. I wanted a family, he wanted the Navy. No matter how huge the swell of your heart is, it can't erase reality.

I thought and thought about whether or not I should actually publish this post, "Is it too personal?" "Too trivial?", but decided upon the publish option. I am not going to grieve negatively, I'm not going to let this ol' heart break entirely. If they sound like affirmations, its because they are. I am telling myself as much as I am telling you. I will band aid it up, I will give it time, I will nurture it back to good health and keep on keeping on. I have the smiles from a toddler flowing in daily, I have the love from friends that is immeasurable, I have skittles and chocolate for when my appetite returns and sad romance flicks when the tears dry up. And one day, I will perhaps, maybe, possibly have love.

I am open to your stories, your experiences, your suggestions and your tips. Share share share! Also, take comfort in the fact that an amazing first birthday party will be happening this weekend and there will be happy posts in abundance coming this way, I promise.

Plenty of love...

The fine Print.

My idea of fun is bed at 8pm (to sleep). A sleep in is 7:30am. I may get to shower and put makeup on before a date, I may not. My sexiest pyjamas are striped pink flannelet. My baby will stick her fingers up your nose, up my nose and up her own nose. Then she'll pull your hair. And most likely scream when you take away my attention.

Of course, I enjoy dinner out. I enjoy picnics in the park, glasses of wine and snuggling up with a DVD. I can have fun, I like fun. Fun is good. But then there is the fine print...Which should really be large print. Because it is a large part of my life, in fact it is my life!

With me, comes Stella. With Stella, comes terms and conditions.

Single Mothers and dating is not something you hear being talked about everyday. Some people may frown upon it, not understanding the need for love different to that a child gives. I have been a mother for 10 months, single for 9. Initially I needed those months of seclusion with my daughter. I was learning to parent, learning to be alone and learning to heal. Now, I am a seasoned Mama! I can deal with sleepless nights and tantrums (begrudgingly) and I can almost multi task as far as keeping a clean house, dressing myself and entertaining a baby plus others.

So far, I haven't encountered any negativity regarding dating. At least not directly. I find it hardest to get positivity around 'casual' dating, people aren't so accepting of this when you are a parent. There must be intentions, statuses and future plans. Which all make me feel nauseous. After having bad experiences with mistrust and deceit, I would prefer to enjoy the company of someone I am interested in without unnecessary pressure and worry. Let it be what it may be!

I have heard people say that as your child ages, dating becomes harder. This is a challenge I'm not sure that I am ready for.  As time passes I will learn to trust and give more, but for now...I am happy with the word 'casual'. It isn't always a dirty word.

Have you as a single parent experienced the dating dilemma? Please share your opinions, experiences and advice. I always love to hear!