Guest Post; Pregnancy- By a real girl.

Hi! I am Natalie from Home Bird Economics, I am so pleased and grateful to be contributing to Winter Love whilst Natalie and Nick take some time to enjoy their newest addition. Home Bird Economics is full of my bargain finds, my crafty creations and happenings with my sweet husband.

Around the time Natalie asked me to guest post for her I have to admit I was struggling with being pregnant, I have had problems with hip pain throughout and to be honest I wasn't feeling the 'glowing' or 'blooming' states some would have you believe... nor does that mean it has been as horrific as some pregnancies are said to be, I am grateful for the pregnancy I have had. But I am going to share the truths about pregnancy that I have experienced.


* Some days you will just feel fat. Not pregnant fat, not time of the month fat. Just fat.

* Feeling your baby move will excite you beyond belief and scare you more than you imagined! Embrace this mix of emotions because it will be with you throughout your pregnancy.

* Acknowledge and discuss when you feel guilty or unworthy, no-one is perfect all of the time and the sooner you develop your confidence in your desires for your child, the happier I am sure you will be.

* Find something that relaxes you, involve your partner if possible in relaxation techniques as an example so that they can develop a 'tool box' of options to help when you are in labor.

* Accept that people will touch your belly, I hated it. I honestly don't have big personal space issues but there is something very intimate about touching an unborn child that I feel should be invited instead of taken and yet others don't see it that way. I tried to remind myself that I cannot control everything and was saying something worth the awkwardness?

* Some people will think calling you fat or a derogatory name is hilarious. It is not ok to punch them. Most of the time smiling politely or bursting into tears will defuse the situation.

* A cliched one, but think of how many times you plan to be pregnant and how special this opportunity really is. Even through the trials of pregnancy there is nothing like creating and nurturing a life within you.

* Finding someone to confide in when everything seems a little too much will really help you to rationalize your thoughts.

* I really enjoyed keeping a baby book of happenings throughout my pregnancy because it kept me focusing on how much time had passed.

* I also loved creating things for our nursery and even if you aren't creative or into making things, collecting and making a little nest for your newborn will help to get yourself ready.

* Swollen ankles can be painful and worrying, luckily though rest helps to keep them down.

* Get used to feeling uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable in my skin most days. Just because things are changing and you are constantly adapting to a new twinge or a different sensation.

...Finally, pregnancy is just 9 months and I genuinely believe that the benefit outweighs the struggles...

Natalie
Home Bird Economics

Guest Post; Milk Eyes - Cool Parents Unite!

Hello there, lovely to meet you. My name is Sandi Darling: military wife to the unbelievably babe-alicious Lee Savage, mother to a one year old chaos-agent named Hunter, and a Brisbane based blogger. I started Milk Eyes as a way of connecting with parents who continue to embrace their unique style, using their alternative point of view and streetwise skills to raise smart, savvy and above all, loved kids. I didn’t have much luck finding this in real life (beyond the few friends I had that had become parents before me ) or online, so Milk Eyes became the method by which I created a space to keep connected with all the cool stuff going on in the world, as well as being a place for me to share my thoughts on the amazing transformations parenthood has brought to my life.



If there is one thing Milk Eyes has opened my eyes to, it is that all over this amazing world there are mums and dads remaining in touch with the subcultures they love, even as so many other aspects of their lives change to accommodate their children. I’ve found so many new cool friends as a result, including the wonderful Natalie who is currently taking some time out to get acquainted with the newest addition to her family. How exciting for her- and for me because I get to use this opportunity to connect with you even as Natalie is connecting with her little one! When Natalie approached me to write a guest piece I asked her what to write about, and she suggested something along the lines of “why your style doesn’t need to change when you become a mother" or "how to stay 'cool' ". This is a good question, and I’m not entirely confident I’m qualified to answer it, but I can try.

Whatever your style, once you have a baby you have less time and money to spend on yourself. You may feel a little weird in your skin for a while, post pregnancy. You might also feel a little out of touch with the lifestyle you led pre-bub. Doubts start to lurk in your mind, unhelpful thoughts about what other people will think of you: If you dress the same as you did before strangers will think you are a reckless bohemian, irresponsible or worse: a selfish individual who focuses on their own wants above the needs of their kids; if you 'normalise' your fashion sense your friends will think all the hype about ‘babies cramping your style’ is true and exclude you, or push the idea of having babies of their own even further down their ‘to do’ list.

Being dictated to by your ideas about every ones else's expectations is an unenviable position, but the worst part about being trapped in the throws of that emotional turmoil is that you honestly don't know what other people are thinking- unless they outright tell you, it's all in your head. I once heard someone say you wouldn't be so concerned with what other people think about you if you realized how very little they actually do. In other words, some of the reasons you have for abandoning the style that previously rocked your world are phantoms, imaginary barriers of your own construction that take more mental energy to maintain then they do to abandon. What a delicious, energizing revelation!

But what about when those insecurities are realised? Let me share with you a story.

When my son was a few weeks old I took him with me to the store to buy groceries- as you do. As I walked in to the store a middle aged woman muttered under her breath “They’ll let any freak breed these days”. I looked around, curious to see who she was referring to with such venom and spite, but there was no one else around.

She meant me.

I mean come on, me? I have multiple degrees, I won an academic scholarship to study at one of the state’s best schools, I donate to charity, buy Australian made, train my pets, eat healthily, avoid television, pay taxes, don’t litter- I even polish my shoes! She hadn’t just implied that I was a freak either- she implied that because of how I looked I was also unfit to be a parent. I was shocked. Sure I had pink hair and tattoos- but I wasn’t a bad parent by any stretch of the imagination. This complete stranger looked at what I was wearing and made a judgement call on the kind of person I was.

Suddenly I felt small and stupid. Perhaps she was right, maybe it was time I grew up. I bought brown hair dye and when I got home I packed up all but the most banal items in my wardrobe, crying as I filled garbage bag after garbage bag with clothes that hours before delighted me as I decided on what to wear. To make myself feel better I took some time out to cuddle my infant son. He woke in my arms and looked up at me with eyes full of love and trust. In that moment I realized that Hunter didn't care one speck about what I was wearing so long as he had a full tum, a clean bum and the love of his mum to sustain him. I began to feel foolish- I had let a complete stranger make me feel like a bad parent because of what I looked like. As I rehung my clothes I consoled myself with the knowledge that phantom powered people who judge others based on appearance alone (instead of the calibre of their actions) are small minded and mean spirited- exactly the kind of person I would avoid if given a choice.

Looking back at the experience I would say that it solidified in me the desire to fight for my right to be expressive. I fight by being a conscientious human being and an attentive loving parent. My choice of battle armour is whatever the hell I want to wear. My style doesn’t make me a bad parent- it makes me creative, unique, interesting, exuberant, joyful, expressive, stimulating and different- but none of these things are bad qualities. Being judgemental, small minded, abusive, spreading hatred and fear- these are qualities that would make me a bad parent- nay, human.

For some people staying cool is about maintaining wild hair, clothes and makeup; using the experiences that image brings as an opportunity to teach their kids about judgement, prejudice and acceptance. For others it is a choice to not hide their tattoos or remove their body piercings, proud of the personal significance these things have at a time when every other aspect of their life is shared with or about their children. For others still these matters of style are superficial and easily discarded like the shell of oyster, knowing that the real meat of the issue is deeper inside. This type of parent knows that conspicuous consumption isn’t the only way to stay true to their roots, they keep engaged in the culture they love by other means. Irrespective of their personal style, all of the parents described above are cool because they are keeping their inner child alive and well, even as they foster that same vitality and enthusiasm for life in their own children.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that being a parent and maintaining your cool aren’t two mutually exclusive states of being. Many of the qualities that make someone stand out from the crowd are the very same qualities that would deeply enhance the emotional and social development of their children. Your style doesn't need to change at all once you become a parent- let your light burn brightly, the love you radiate will illuminate everything around you and banish those phantoms to the ever retreating shadows. Shine in the knowledge that you look fine and more importantly you are a very fine parent indeed. Your child will bask in the glow that radiates from you, their little face lighting up at your approach.

Let it shine,
Sandi D.

Guest Post; Day to day with Everyday Mae.

Hi Everyone! My name is Bianca and I blog over at Behind the Scenes of Everyday Mae. I’m so exciting to be guest posting for Natalie while she taking some time off to spend with her lovely new bub! I thought I would share some behind the scenes action of my day to day life with Everyday Mae.



To give a bit of a back story, I began Everyday Mae in early 2011 as a creative outlet while I was studying full time. I had always loved being creative as a child and enjoyed painting, drawing and sewing while I was younger. One day I decided to spend more time on creative projects and around the same time I discovered Etsy. My mind was blown and after a few months of dreaming, planning and lots of sewing I opened up my shop in January.



Currently I am working as a freelance sewer for a designer in Newcastle so that takes up a fair amount of my time! In between that and attempting to have a social life I dedicate my time to Everyday Mae. Most days I can be found designing and sewing bags, ordering supplies and creating new ways to do things on top of blogging, answering emails and generally all other social media. I tend to jump from one project to another and spend a few hours on each and that way I find I don’t lose enthusiasm for a particular project.

My days vary in that sometimes I am more productive in the morning, and some other days I don’t kick off until the afternoon and may work into the night. I love the freedom that I do have to do this and that I can plan my days around how I am feeling at the time. While I am not working I do enjoy drinking lots of tea, taking photos and spending time with family and friends. More often than not I can be found in front of the sewing machine working on improving my quilting skills, sewing décor items and clothing for myself. At the present time I have some new exciting ideas that I am working on and I hope to expand my Everyday Mae line in the near future!




Thanks so much Natalie for having me here today! I do hope you will come and visit my blog or my twitter to say hello!
❤❤❤
Bianca

You can find Everyday Mae here on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Etsy

Guest Post; Harnessing Childrens Creativity

Hi everyone, it’s Naomi here from Look See. While Natalie is spending some quality time with the new bub (congratulations Nat!), she asked if I’d do a guest post about developing creativity in kids. I’m a full-time high school teacher and do photography and graphic design in my spare time. I’ve always been a creative kid myself and love that I get to see children being creative in my day job.

I thought I’d talk about a couple of areas that I believe personally are important in developing children’s creativity. And this has come from my own experience – either as a kid myself or as a teacher.

First of all is the need to model creativity. Kids need to see adults being creative in order to learn how to be creative themselves. My mum loved to take photos of us when we were growing up. We were encouraged to take photos as well and we each had access to a simple, inexpensive camera (and this was in the age before digital cameras).  I recall taking photos together and getting them developed, then spending time together looking at the results.

At school, I have seen so many students become inspired when they have viewed the adults around them attempting creativity. Whether it’s in art, music, woodwork, cooking, writing – whatever the creative mode, show kids that it’s ok to muck in, have a go, make mistakes and learn from them – and that in fact, is pretty much the creative process anyway.

Secondly, I mentioned above about making mistakes. Creativity is a process. It’s very rare that you create something you are immediately satisfied with. And that’s ok. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to always be a polished piece. Sometimes it’s great to create, just for the sake of creating. It’s a cliché because it’s true – mistakes are how we learn. So, providing support through mistakes definitely assists in developing children’s creativity.



Finally, an environment that is conducive to creativity is so important. I remember growing up that mum had major plans to paint the interior of the house. I remember her talking about it forever – and it didn’t actually happen until I was about twelve. In the meantime, we were allowed to draw and paint and write on our bedroom walls – I guess her thinking was that it was all going to be covered up at some point anyway! Looking back on this, I can’t help but think that mum was a bit mad (in the best way) but I think how lucky we were to be encouraged to be creative as kids.

As a teacher, I recall a particular student who hated the journal writing we did each week in English. He’d try every trick in the book and eventually ask if he could go to the toilet (the first time he did this, he spent 20 minutes in there hoping that he’d miss the journal writing session). He promised me that he would tell the whole class a story when he came back if he didn’t have to write it down. I agreed. He came back and would tell the funniest, most entertaining tales we’d heard – jungles, crocodiles, heroes, you name it. Technically I was supposed to make him write it down, but the way I saw it, I could let him tell the story and encourage his creativity or I could make him write it and stifle it.

And just because I can, here are a couple of links for you with cool creative projects that are probably just as much fun for the grownups as they are for the kids:
~ Paper dots garland by Oh Happy Day {Lots of other great do-it-yourself projects}
~ T-shirt painting by Artsy Ants {Also plenty of other goodies here}



Thanks for reading – here’s to getting paint all over your hands!
Naomi
Look See

Guest Post; Natural Health in Childhood

Hello.  I’m Michelle from Mumma and the Kiddo where I share my ramblings and motherhood adventures. I’d like to start by thanking Natalie for asking me to guest post on her blog while she’s on her baby-moon with her newest wee girl. Congrats! I am here sharing my reasons for choosing natural health for my son, and why I am passionate about natural health in childhood.
 
While I was pregnant I was studying and a lot of my health science papers covered parenting topics, in particular child health and development. I discovered the importance of taking a holistic approach which involves much more than treating a symptom. It’s about considering someone’s whole body and how life situations impact the body. My decision to use natural and alternative health practitioners was based on their approach to health and illness. I love that there are practicing GPs who are using alternative medicine alongside conventional treatments.

I have great respect for the vast intelligence that our body carries in its ability to orchestrate trillions of cells in our body. In each second we make millions of new red blood cells. Our bodies are always balancing and attempting to keep us healthy. I believe that we need to stop and pay attention, to listen to, and befriend our bodies and explore and understand them. This is where I have found alternative and natural health practitioners beneficial to my son’s health. 

During Pete’s birth his head was transverse (sideways). It wasn’t able to be rotated, he came out with a badly bruised head and wasn’t able to turn his neck. The exercises the physiotherapist wanted me to do with Pete made him scream in pain so I decided to take him to an osteopath. After 2 appointments his neck significantly improved.

Pete also used to be a terrible sleeper. I took him to a holistic health and integral health centre and he was given a bach flower remedy and a magnesium supplement. We also did mind/body therapy. After this appointment Pete’s sleeping hasn’t been an issue. I have also used rescue remedies and bach flower remedies when Pete has been frustrated and worked up. They quickly calm him down. I found this really useful last year when my nana passed away.

There are lots of natural alternatives that work just as well, if not better. I trust my gut instincts. I am a firm believer that parents are the experts to their children and no GP, or naturopath or Plunket nurse is going to know your child better than you.

Thankyou for reading! 
Michelle
Mumma and the Kiddo

Thrifting with Children

Thrifting is thrilling right? Finding something you've been hunting down for quite some time or stumbling across an unexpected beauty. But add children to the mix? Is it still thrilling, or terrifying? I know that when I have attempted an op-shopping session with my little bundle of energy in tow, stress levels have been high and purchases have been low.

Alison from Dress Me Retro (Winter Loves June sponsor) is here to give you 10 simple tips to thrifting with children... how to keep the experience enjoyable and survive the trip!

1.Find children's treasures too. I haven't found an op shop yet that doesn’t have kids toys and books. Katie is quite happy to play while I search for treasures.

2. I normally give Katie $2.00 to spend. She can find a book for .50 cents and a soft toy or doll for $1.00. Sometimes she picks out clothes for her dolls or ornaments for her bedroom. She picked out a skipping rope for $1.50 on our last visit. I don’t buy Katie something from every shop either. I explain to her that she can buy something now or look for something better at the next shop. If she doesn’t buy anything her money goes into her piggy bank for the next thrifting day.

3. Search out thrift stores other than Vinnies and Salvos. They have increased their prices so much that they are more like a retail store now. And unfortunately I have noticed some of the staff aren’t as friendly as they used to be. I find great quality kids gear at my local 'Save the Children' op shop and the 'City Mission Shop' is normally great for bargains.

4. Most of the time I set aside a whole day for thrifting. So I always pack some fruit and snacks and a water bottle. Obviously Katie isn’t allowed to eat and drink in the store but stopping at a park for a break is always a great option.

5. I give Katie a five minute warning before I'm preparing to leave a store. That way she doesn’t throw a tantrum when I tell her its time to go.



6. Include your child in the check out process. I allow Katie to hand over the cash or press the buttons on the eftpos machine.

7. Try to make it fun. Katie pesters me to go to the op shops now. Whether its because she knows she will be rewarded with something? I don’t know. I like to think its because she loves trying on silly clothes and hats with her mama!

8. Take your own shopping bags. Not only is it greener but there aren’t too many places that offer you a plastic bag these days so it pays to have a couple handy.

9. Search through auctions, markets and garage sales as well. I tend to pick up lots more goodies at flea markets than I do at op shops. At our local market there is a jumping castle which is great for convincing young children to behave! At an auction, I constantly see kids cubby houses or bikes go for less than $10.00.

10. When thrifting, use an open mind. Look at things from a different perspective. What you would normally overlook as a daggy pink or blue dress, can be cut up and made into some adorable bunting. Or an old jar can look amazing with a little twine and some pretty flowers.

* And remember * we all have those days where children just don’t want to co-operate. This has happened to me a couple of times, and sometimes you just have to abandon ship, head home and try again another day.



Happy Hunting!
Alison
Dress Me Retro 

The perfect gap.

With the arrival date of baby #2 falling two days after Stellas second birthday, my two children will have nearly exactly two years difference in age. This has bought me to be thinking about the perfect age gap to have between children in families. I read an article recently that claimed having your second baby withing the first year of your first baby was not healthy for your first borns psychological development. With no real evidence or research to back the article up, I became angry and frustrated with the writer for claiming such things, just adding to the endless guilt we feel as parents. The truth is, there is no perfect age gap. The perfect gap is what works perfectly for you; whether that be four under four or four years between each.

So with the story of our family still in the writing process, I thought I'd turn to some parents of numerous children to share their stories of age differences in the family, their family book has already been written. The first person kind enough to share her story is Stacey, the mother raising four boys. 

...Enjoy...

" Hi my name is Stacey Saunders a busy mother of 4 boys who is also the person behind Tassie Treasures Facebook page and Blog.

There is a total of three years and three months between the first three of our children and then a further break of three years to our fourth, all boys and all with four letter names. This was only brought to my attention after becoming pregnant with our 4th boy. When a friend said, "How clever your children all have four letters in their names, what have you got picked this time?" How strange we had not even picked up on it, they were just names we had picked.

With just over three years between my babies life was hectic to say the least. I am a very busy person and love to be on the go. I literally go mad when I am bored. So once our youngest turned 1 I was off back to work. Many would say I was mad and I probably would tell anyone else they were but not me.

I had contraception issues after my second son’s birth, the pill no longer suited me and it was not an issue again until after number 3 was born. I then went on to try the contraceptive implant, after a year of horrible side effects I had it removed. My husband at this stage decided that he wanted us to try one more time for a little girl, although I was happily moving forward from midnight feeds, nappies and all that comes with the newborn – 1 year age gap and was really enjoying my time with adults.

With the implant removed and no contraception I was soon pregnant again. After three cesareans very close together this possibly was not the brightest idea, the toll on my body was evident. We suffered complications from the start and during this pregnancy I felt awful my body was definitely protesting. At 37 weeks gestation the placenta started to rupture and little boy number 4 thankfully was born a healthy 7 pound 15 ounces.  It was made VERY clear to me that I was not to have any more children.

My boys were now 6 Years 3 Months, 4 Years 9 Months, Almost 3 years and baby.

I struggled the most with our last baby we had finished nappies during the day, no bottles, and dummies and done away with the entourage of baby junk you need to carry everywhere. Then back to night feeds, prams, nappies and unexplained crying in the middle of the night.  I suppose by the fourth child the novelty of it had worn off and my routine had changed.

The upside of having multiple children

* clothes; hand-me-down
*  I have 4 dish washers
* 4 lawn mowers
* 4 dog walkers/poop cleaner uppers
* 4 handsome boys that love their mum (my favorite part)
* There is always someone to help out or help their siblings with school work and playing etc.
* There is a special bond between close siblings than is unbreakable even though they fight like cats and dogs.

The down side to having 4 children and so close together.

* It is a LOT of work.
* 4 voices all wanting you at the same time.
* Everyone has to wait their turn even a wonderful supportive husband whose turn sometimes never comes.
* Financially it's a little harder; they eat and eat and eat.
* Family holidays, you try getting accommodation for 6 that doesn’t cost the earth.
* Very little time for you.
* They don’t get as much individual time just with Mum and Dad as they would like.

 
I think if you have the opportunity to have more than 1 child and have the chance to have your children close together, do so and get it all done at once. Sure it’s tonnes of hard work but it is also the most rewarding experience of your life time. They grow up so very quickly; so cherish every moment."

'Sticks of Obsession' ...A guest post

How often do you hear of peoples conception stories? The tales of their struggles and triumphs? It's one piece in the large puzzle of parenthood that often gets overlooked. When a lovely lady I know confided in me that 'get pregnant' was on her to-do list, I knew her story would be one to share. Karen is a humorous, honest and well spoken woman...her words always make me smile, laugh and sometimes cry all at once.


...enjoy...

Dr Google and the Test Sticks of Obsession
or, Trying to Conceive

" The universe really does love irony.

There are so many people out there who have spent years trying not to fall pregnant. Taking all precautions, taking no risks. Then as soon as you decide to stop trying not to and instead try to fall pregnant, the universe often says “What, you thought this would be easy? Yeah, nice one,” because in my head the universe can sound a little sarcastic from time to time.

I’m one of those people now. I am twenty-seven years old and have wanted a baby since I was sixteen. At least, that’s the age at which I started dreamily compiling a list of baby names in my diary. (I have moved on from that list, thank goodness, for topping the boy/girl lists back then were Ishmael Sebastian or Guinevere Elizabeth. Ahem.) If someone had told my sixteen year old self that eleven years later, I would still not have a baby, sixteen year old me would have replied “Yeah, nice one,” because sometimes I can be a little sarcastic too.

I am actually glad now that I waited to find the ‘right guy’ and I have been married to him for a year now. We have been actively trying to start a family for coming up on eight months and I’m here to tell you that it’s getting somewhat frustrating. I can break the months down into single words for a brief overview:

First Month: Excitement
Second Month: Anticipation
Third Month: Annoyance
Fourth Month: Frustration
Fifth Month: Obsession
Sixth Month: Anger
Seventh Month: Resignation
Eighth Month: Acceptance

Excitement and anticipation were a good way to start. Nothing really changed, but I paid a little more attention to dates. It wasn’t until the third and fourth month that things started to change. A vast multitude of tests began to be purchased. Dates were marked in a diary and on a calendar. And the dynamic of our relationship began to change.

It is inevitable that things will change once sex has a bigger picture, a goal to it besides the obvious. There are many husbands, boyfriends, partners out there who experience a moment in which they realise the woman they love is looking at them and seeing nothing more than a big, pulsating, fertile sperm. For my long-suffering husband, that moment came during month five, which if you’ll refer to your handy month-by-month breakdown, you will identify as the month of Obsession.

To set the scene, it was a Saturday evening and we were getting ready to go to the birthday dinner of a good friend. My husband was dressed, showered, ready to go and innocently playing some epic swords and skirts game on his PlayStation 3 when he heard the bathroom door fly open and I burst into the room. Freshly showered, hair and makeup done, and clutching an ovulation test in my hand. “I’m ovulating.” I announced. “Come on. We have to be out the door in twenty minutes though. Oh, and you can’t mess up my hair and makeup". My husband stared with undisguised horror at the creature his wife had become. He cleared his throat. “Wow, there’s that dirty talk again,” he said mildly. I suddenly heard what I had said, and in that moment I realised that my obsession had reached fever pitch and that I really needed to tone it down. We laughed together and I promised to stop acting like a crazy person or Monica from Friends.

Look, I’m not the only one to blame for my slide into Obsessively Trying to Conceive, though. I also lay a lot of blame at the feet of Doctor Google. It is too easy to imagine every tiny tweak, cramp or change is an early sign of pregnancy, type it into Google and receive confirmation. Thus sparking more thought cycles of oh-my-god-I-am followed by yet another expensive, negative pregnancy test that leaves you with nothing to do but screw up the instruction sheet and fling it defiantly onto the floor. Oh yes, I fell down the Google hole quite a few times.

Anger wasn’t a comfortable fit either. It’s a known quirk of the universe that as soon as you start trying to fall pregnant, you see pregnant women everywhere and they seemed to double in my Anger Month. As the writer Kate Jennings once said, “Envy is a grubby little emotion,” and it’s very true. That month was not a comfortable fit and I was glad to leave it behind.

Resignation and acceptance are easier to deal with, but in their own way, harder to bear. My thoughts have turned more and more over the past two months to the baby we lost in 2010. It was quite soon before our wedding and entirely unplanned and in the brief period before the end I envisioned announcing it on our wedding day to our delighted family and friends. Some things are meant to be, and some things aren’t. I told my husband a few weeks ago that I was scared it would never happen. That I had been given my chance. That one of the most important things in the world to me has always been being a mother and that I had resigned myself to it never happening. His answer was blunt, but to the point and compassionate. “Don’t be silly. Of course we’re going to have a baby.”

I know he’s right, and it’s that knowledge that keeps me going. I have now relaxed a lot and have abandoned the obsessive testing and charting and ‘ovulation talk’ that he found so darn sexy and irresistible. I am keeping an eye on my dates, of course, but am letting things take their course. It is easier on both of us and all I can do is dream of that positive test, the joy, and all that will come after. I know it’s in our future.

Oh, and the evening before the birthday dinner? My hair and makeup did get messed up, and I didn’t even care. Sometimes you need to relinquish control and let the universe do its job, and let things that will happen, happen. "

 

The story of Malachi.

Being the mother of a toddler which can be challenging enough in itself, I find myself wondering how parents of children with special needs manage to stay so positive and strong. I have a friend with a three year old son, who has Autism. She manages to keep a brave face, remain calm and speaks about her experience in a positive light.

I thought I would share with you her story, The Story of Malachi. 

" I was overjoyed the day Malachi was born, it was one of the happiest days of my life. He was a happy baby and completely healthy. He was born a little earlier than I'd like, a little yellow but soon enough he was just a normal baby. A close friend had a little boy the same age so for the first year they grew up together before we decided to move.

When Malachi turned one I started to notice his speech wasn't were it should have been at all, however I decided not to worry I'd take him to see the health nurse. I visited our local health nurse and she barely even looked at him! She said to give it a year or two then we'd do something about it. I decided that that was just not good enough for me. I rang St. Giles (A provider of children's therapy services) and asked if I could please be put on the waiting list for a speech therapist. In my mind his speech was his only problem. After being on the waiting list for a year we finally got the call we'd been waiting for; SPEECH THERAPY TIME! Also around this time I noticed that Malachi was not a very social baby when it came to other children. For this reason I decided to put him in family day care so that there weren't many children and after a while his family day care career got concerned.

After 6 months of speech therapy we went back for a usual session. The therapist seemed nervous... She sat me down and told me that Malachi had made very little progress and believed he had some symptoms of Autism. I thought very little of it. Then he was refereed to see a occupational therapist and a teacher. Both when they met him had concerns. More time went on and in some areas he showed no signs of improvement. We then were referred to see a pediatrician who said he was on the Autism spectrum and that we need to get into the Autism assessment team as soon as possible. Before we can do that Malachi needs to have blood and urine samples to make sure that he hasn't got any genetic disorders before they make their final verdict on his condition. They all believe he is mildly Autistic.

This year Malachi starts pre-kinder so his therapy will become more intense and he'll be starting on a programme hat teaches him how to use visuals to communicate with me, called the PECS programme. So he can communicate to me without frustration which causes alot of tantrums when he can't explain what he wants or needs. We have been granted funding to get a private specialist. In Malachis case early intervention will help him be ready for the future.

Every time I meet someone new I get asked a million and one questions. The thing I struggle with the most is taking Malachi to a playground and watching as he tries to play with other children. The other children ignore him because he can't communicate. It hurts that my nearly 3 year old has to deal with that. My personal advice would be if the professionals don't take your concerns seriously, don't give up. If I had not had this feeling and stuck with it we wouldn't be able to have early intervention. My advice would be follow your heart. If you know that something is wrong with your child or you have fears don't seek just one opinion but see two or three people to make sure ."

These links may be helpful if you suspect your child has difficulties or are concerned at all about their development. Early intervention and incredible support networks can often help parents deal with the challenges of raising a child with special needs.

St Giles 
PECS programme
Autism Tasmania

Post Natal Depression; Increasing awareness.

Post-Natal Depression has over the years become more acceptable to talk about. We all see the advertisements on the television and hear our midwives questioning our feelings, but how often do you hear a 'real' mums story? Someone who is your age? Someone who lives in your neighbourhood. I think that these stories reach into our hearts and touch us far more significantly that the odd rehearsed acting staring at us from the TV.

This is Zoes story, a young woman who is local to me and is the same age. I hope her story may help you understand Post-Natal Depression a little better or perhaps even help you recognise signs of PND in yourself or your loved ones. Thank you so much to Zoe for being so brave and sharing.

"Post-Natal Depression. When most people hear this, they think of a mother that has lost control, who can't handle the cries of their baby, and is at risk of seriously hurting their baby or themselves. This is not totally true. Yes, there is a risk of the mother hurting themselves or their child and the crying is always hard to handle, but they usually seem fairly normal and in control.

My name is Zoe, and I suffer from Post-Natal Depression.

Not long after my first born came along, I suffered the 'baby blues' - the baby blues are different to post natal depression - and I got over that pretty quickly. I felt on top of the world. My relationship was fine, my daughter was beautiful and we had just moved into our own little place just for the 3 of us. Life was fantastic. Then when my daughter was around 8 weeks old, something hit me. Almost like a tonne of bricks. I was feeling tired, sad, confused, but mostly angry. I would get so mad I would cry. I couldn't understand why I would feel that way when my whole life was coming together perfectly.

I tried to deal with it on my own and bottle up how I was feeling. I found it hard to connect with the gorgeous little girl I had around me all the time. I felt like I was baby sitting, and not actually being a mother. Finally I went to an appointment for my daughter at a Child Heath Clinic just for a general check in. While I was there they asked me to fill in the Post-Natal Depression Quiz. So I did. One of the Questions was "Do you feel like you may harm yourself or your baby?" 3 options to choose from - Sometimes, always and never. When I got to this questions I stopped and hesitated. Right then and there, I knew something wasn't right with how I felt and I had to be serious and truthful. I answered "sometimes". Not to hurting my daughter, I would never in a million years hurt my children. But it was for me. I wasn't well, and after accepting that I sought help.

I went to the doctor and got medicated. I was on the road to recovery. I was only 18 at the time, and thought I could handle things without the medication. I stopped too early, but with a supportive family I made it through and was on top of the world again.

September last year I was blessed enough to give birth to another beautiful girl. This time I was with another man. An amazing, supportive, generous man. Things were yet again great. I barely got the baby blues and thought this time I was going to skip the depression. But, I knew the warning signs and sought help straight away. I was breastfeeding at the time, so took a small dose of my medication. But something I did different this time, was I spoke to a professional. I went to a social worker. I think this decision was the best one I could make for a full recovery. I stopped my medication again for a while and stopped seeing a social worker due to car problems. I wasn't ready to stop and went down fast.

Yesterday I went back to the doctor, I told him exactly how I felt. And he was understanding - it is not uncommon to have PND. I am going back to my social worker starting next week and I am actually looking forward to it.

I thought I'd share with you some of the practical and 'real life' things I am currently doing in order to tackle my Post-Natal Depression. I hope that this information is far more helpful for you than the hard to connect with stories seen on television or in magazines. These things aren't life changing or dramatic, they aren't hard or unreachable. They are simple and achievable steps you can take right this very minute to start making yourself better.

3 things I am currently doing to help myself are; 
* Eat better
* Get out of the house
* Seeking the help I need


If you don't feel comfortable seeing a social worker, choose a close friend or family member. Talking really helps. So many emotions go around when PND arises and talking helps ease the burden.

The steps I found easiest to take were:

* Talking to my local Child Health Nurse - they can give you pamphlets and make necessary      appointments for you

* Talk to  a family member, be it your partner/mother/friend - someone you trust

* Actually go to your appointments. Most doctors will tailor a medication around your needs. Small dose, large dose, if your are breastfeeding, not breastfeeding. Its well worth it.

Seeing a doctor may be a little daunting and confronting, but not going could bring a whole new set of problems. It is normal to have the 'baby blues' a week or so after the baby is born, but remember it is not normal to continue feeling that way. Confide in someone, they won't judge you. Ever. It is your job as a parent to make sure you look after yourself as well as your baby."

Tea and Little Miss Mama...

Tonight, Tairalyn from Little Miss Mama all the way from Vancouver is guest posting about tea! Meanwhile, I am over at her blog also guest posting about tea. Tairalyn and I stumbled upon each other in the blogosphere a few months back and have been sharing the blog-love ever since.  Head over and say Hi to this wonderful Mama-to-be and be sure to leave her some love here also!

...enjoy...

" I thought I would take today to share some information about Tea, and just how to brew the perfect cup. We all know that in order to live the life like a Queen, this simple task is absolutely mandatory, well this.... and of course mastering the English accent. But today let's just focus on steeping the perfect cup, the accent will come over time, after many many cups of your morning English Breakfast.

Water:
Choose the best water available. Never use warm or hot water from the Tap to speed up the boiling process your only setting yourself up for failure. You can wait an extra 60 seconds for better Tea can't you? And always, always....ALWAYS have the Tea Bag IN the cup prior to pouring, never put in the bag in after the cup has been filled with Water.

Leaves:
Use the best Tea available. Grocery stores generally only carry tea bags filled with low quality Tea Leaves.  Although they might seem like a bargain,  these "name brands" are not worthy of being considered Tea. With this day an age it so easy to buy online {including affordable}, if you don't have a Tea Shop locally.

Indie Tea - www.indietea.com
Boston Tea Company - www.bostontea.com
DAVIDsTEA - www.davidstea.com

How Much:
Based on an 8oz Cup, a rule is normally 1 to 2 teaspoons of Tea Leaves. In my case, I like a deep, dark, bold Tea and I'll almost always use closer to 3 teaspoons.... shhht don't tell the Queen, I'm sure she would loose sleep over it. 

Water Temperature:
Regardless of how you boil your water, is must come to a rolling boil {212 degrees}. Once it has come to a boil it must sit for a minute or two to cool before pouring ontop of your Tea Leaves.

Green Tea | 180 degrees
Oolong Tea | 190 degrees
Black Tea | 200 degrees

Water that's too hot can burn the leaves which in turn will leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth. Another way to get the taste of bitter in your cup is to over steep or brew your leaves. Insure you read the package and go by their suggestions. You an always put it back in and steep it for longer if its not to your desired taste.

Steeping Time:
Your Tea Leaves should be given time to sit-still during this steeping process. Extra motion can cause the release of more tannins, which in turn lead to a bitter tasting Tea. Do not steep Tea for to long, start with 2-3 minutes and gradually increase the time to your preferred likeness. If your like me - Ill leave a Black Tea in for 5 minutes... but I have a very acquired taste for a Malty, Strong and Bold Black Tea as mentioned above.

Accompaniments:
If you ask me, I'd say Cream, Sugar {White, Brown or Amber Crystals} or Honey are all great options to flavor your cup. But not everyone will agree with me on this.

The Brits would have my head after hearing that I put Cream in my Tea. They are only about low-fat milks, not because they watch there waist -lines, but because they find Cream can leave a murky taste in their mouths. They would also dis-agree very much with my other options of sweetening besides a white sugar. They would ignore the request of a Brown or Amber Sugar and they would laugh me right out of the Tea Shop if I asked for Honey. But I would do it anyways... cuz I like to live on the edge like that. 

Personal Tips:

* My Mama always taught me, warm your Tea Cup up first. So while boiling your water either run hot water into your cup or else put the cup filled with cold water into your microwave and run for 2 minutes. This will just keep your Tea warmer longer. My mama is brilliant... and I must say the apple doesn't fall from the tree.

* My bestfriend Katy, taught me to put Milk and Sugar in first, as this is what her grandma used to do - however I find that I can sometimes add too much milk this way when I am brewing a new Tea.  As I am not sure how dark it will steep.

* Never rush a cup of Tea. Tea is meant to be sipped not gulped, to me its almost like a sin to brew a perfect cup and complete it in 2 gulps. Savor it, enjoy it and indulge in sweets between each sip."


Keep Calm and Sip on!

Business and Motherhood; Adore U

The last business running mama I am featuring as part of the 'business and motherhood' feature from the Niche Market is Jasmine of Adore U. When I approached Jasmine, she was very welcoming and made me feel completely at ease to talk with her about parenting and her business. She was surprisingly very down-to-earth and humble considering her own success, talking with confidence about how her business started and how she got to where she is now. When Jasmine spoke of her little boy, her eyes gleamed with pride and love. It seems as though he was the inspiration for her to become the talented creative woman she is today.

This is Jasmines story and the story of Adore U, starting out small and blossoming into a well known, inspiring Tasmanian business. Like the Facebook page to see beautiful market displays and jewellery by Adore U.

...enjoy...

"When I held our son Ollie for the first time, I knew that this was going to be the most rewarding journey of our life, we had this precious little being, our life was complete, I never imagined that I would have time for anything other than being a mum, but our little man loved to sleep and I love to keep busy.  If you ask my friends and family they will tell you I always have a project on the go, in the past these projects involve me spending money, I needed something I could do while Ollie was sleeping and so my search for the right niche began.

The intention was never to start a business, just have a hobby that would keep me busy and give me a creative outlet. The first thing I made was a stuffed toy – an elephant (not so cute, not so successful), then I made some bibs which were really lovely but I didn’t like sewing much, then over lunch a girlfriend suggested buttons, so while Ollie was sleeping I started making button magnets, then button hair ties and after lots of nagging from friends I made earrings – these seemed to really take off.

Our Adore U facebook page grew rapidly and before I knew it I had a hobby/business. My husband has been an amazing support, he encourages and supports me, even though I have taken over two rooms in our house. He might regret it now but he introduced me to resin, which I was not really sure about and a little reluctant to try but from the first thing I made using it, I quickly fell in love and have now extended our range to include a large range of beautiful resin. Until February this year, I was still on maternity leave from a leadership role in Banking, the thought of giving up my new life to return to a corporate position was not enticing and although the financial security my previous position gave me, it was a question of love or money and with my husbands full support I chose LOVE. I no longer have the safety net but I have never felt more confident that Adore U is going to be a secure and successful business.

Work-life balance is always a challenge, a challenge that you never really know if you have mastered.  One of the biggest challenges I have faced is my allergy to Resin, it wasn’t until I was completely in love with the product that I started having itchy, spotty breakouts, it took a long time for the doctors to work out what was causing it.  I now have the right protective gear to pour safely and are managing to avoid breakouts, my postman Richard has seen me all suited up… “I won’t ask he said has he ran down the driveway”.  I really needed that package otherwise I wouldn’t have answered the door.

There are so many rewarding aspects of Adore U and the most rewarding is the life it allows me to lead. Having Adore U gives me the opportunity to stay at home and take care of my two number one priorities as mum and wife. I haven’t missed Ollie’s First steps or any of his developmental milestones which has always been so important to me, I feel so lucky to have the freedom to choose my hours and be my own boss.

I don’t know that there is a key for creating a balance between work and family, every day is different, if there is a key it’s being flexible and asking for help when you need it. I have learnt not to set myself unrealistic goals, I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to have order out the day they came through or the day after, but this is not achievable and certainly causes a lot of unnecessary stress and pressure. Everything is handmade and perfection takes time and I believe customers understand and appreciate this.

Every Adore U items is a representation of our brand so as a perfectionist, I find it hard to allow others to assist, I have had a couple of close friends help out recently, as hard as it was to have someone else assisting it has freed me up so that weekends can be spent with the family and allows me to concentrate on new designs and perfecting our resin range. I now have two people who I can reliably count on which is a huge relief given the busy times ahead.

"

I enjoyed chatting with Jasmine ever so much, she maintained a positive outlook and inspiring words the whole conversation and exudes generosity. Her commitment to Adore U is just an extension of her motivation and passion for parenting, life and creating. Thank you so much for sharing Jasmine!

Business and motherhood; Pili Pala Pieces

The second Mother I met and spoke with at the Niche market was Helen from Pili Pala Pieces. This vibrant, bubbly woman was overflowing with smiles and incredibly welcoming of a stranger enquiring about her mothering life. She had her eyes on her stock, connecting with customers and on the pram tucked away in the corner holding her sleeping baby; the ultimate super Ma! Even with her attention stretched to the limit in all areas, she had an aura of cool, calm and collected about her.

Here is an insight as to how Helen came to be a creating, multi-tasking woman selling beautiful handmade jewellery. You can like Pila Pala on Facebook to see the talent for yourself.

...Enjoy...

"My husband and I have been married for nearly 8 years; we have one 4 year old girl and a new little nearly 6-month old boy.  We both run our own small businesses (my husband is part of a duo who run a Hobart photography studio) and I run my own business designing and hand-making jewellery, accessories and home wares.  We don't have any family in Tasmania, so juggle the kids and work by ourselves - with a little help from our friends to babysit the kids - particularly when I have a big market on.

I started Pili Pala as a hobby in response to friends and family encouraging me to try selling products that I was making as gifts. It took off from there. I started selling at a few markets here and there whilst working as a Paediatric Speech Pathologist part-time after my daughter was born. I had such a good response, and was keen to try something different after finding Speech Pathology such a demanding career, so I took a gamble on committing to Pili Pala as my sole focus at the end of 2009.  It was difficult to decide between a job that gave me high personal satisfaction and the chance to be creative and one that was helping others and I still struggle with this side of things. In the end though, I have grown in confidence and feel like I am emotionally fed (instead of drained) by pursuing this path. It took about 6 months for Pili Pala to take-off, and before I knew it I had a handful of stockists and regularly participated in Salamanca (as well as various other artisan markets throughout Tasmania).

I have 3 dedicated 'work days' for Pili Pala each week (when my daughter is in child care) where I try to do as much of the making and preparations for stockists and markets as possible (in between juggling feeds and caring for the 5 month old). Then on the other days throughout the week I just fit in little bits of work here and there (which is one of the bonuses of working from home).  On my work days I find it difficult to not be distracted by all the house tasks such as cleaning and dishes as I like the house to be tidy, but I do my best to ignore them and try to leave those tasks to the other days of the week.

Then I generally have a market once a fortnight which means my husband will help me set up and then care for the children (and bring the baby to me at the market for feeds where he takes over manning the stall until I can return the baby to him)  It requires a bit of organisation but we are a really good team and we just make it work! 

Time management is definitely the hardest thing.  Especially when I have a big market coming up or a lot of orders for shops to complete I find it hard to juggle time with the kids and time for the business.  My daughter is at an age where she is beginning to find small tasks like tagging the products or sorting them into piles quite fun, so sometimes I get her to help with bits and pieces like this; it keeps her entertained for a few minutes and it also helps me out.  Most of the time though, I try really hard to keep 2 days a week as just 'Mummy/kids days' (with maybe a bit of work during their nap time - if I can get their naps to coordinate that is!)

I stay motivated by both enjoying that I get to be creative and that other people like what I create, and also knowing that my contribution to the family income is a requirement.  It is financially challenging both running our own small businesses, however at this time in our lives we wouldn't have it any other way.  We are both very driven people and enjoy working for ourselves and also seeing how far we can take our businesses.   

Running a small business and raising kids is not an easy option and probably not for everyone, but there are definitely some benefits.  For example;  I have total flexibility with my work hours/days and can fit in a morning of shopping if I feel like it, or can take time off to look after sick kids without needing to explain my absence to anyone.  Of course, it's not all smooth sailing with the not-so-fun things to also take care of such as accounting and trying to work out how to wisely manage funds, but there is definitely much more to enjoy than not, and as long as this remains the case, I'll continue on!"

My favourite Pili Pala Piece.

Thank you so much Helen for taking the time to talk with me. You are an inspiration for commitment and passion. Showing that following your heart and leaping from your comfort zone can be satisfying and rewarding.

 

Healthy bodies make happy hearts.

source

When Stella and I have hit an afternoon slump and the grumpy moods begin to surface, my favourite way to overcome this is to crank the volume of some pop tunes and have a silly dance with her. She giggles and wriggles like a little star and I feel refreshed and de-stressed, ready to tackle 'arsenic hour'. 

I had Kathleen write to me recently asking to guest post, which is quite fitting considering our new-found afternoon tradition. I found her article a happy, innovative read and hope that you do too! ...enjoy...

 Healthy Bodies Make Happy Hearts

                                     By Kathleen Thomas

With the invention of computers, video games and electronic toys children have become increasingly less active. Childhood obesity and the need for more physical activity are increasingly critical issues in both Australia and America. One way you can encourage your children to become more physically active is by dancing!

The Australian and American Heart Association recommends that children ages two and older participate in at least 30 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity every day. Dance is a simple activity that doesn’t require complicated equipment and can be done just about anywhere.

“I recommend dance as a fun physical activity for the whole family because it doesn’t require a lot of time, money or resources,” said Dr. Mary Zurn, vice president of education for Primrose Preschools “Dancing is a creative form of self-expression that helps build self-confidence. Plus, it provides time well spent with your family.”

Dr. Zurn and Dr. Steve Sanders, a fitness expert and Director of the School of Physical Education & Exercise Science at the University of South Florida as well as a member of the Primrose Education Advisory Board, recommend these tips to encourage your family to start dancing:

Step 1: Select appropriate music. You aren’t just looking for age-appropriate lyrics. It is also important to find music with an eight-count beat that isn’t too fast or too slow, so children can successfully develop movements in time with the music.

Step 2: Create a dance routine with your child. Together, decide how your dance will begin, what movements will go in the middle and how it will end. Children naturally respond to music with movement, which they can then turn into a dance. They love to pretend and don’t have any difficulty responding if they are asked to “be” the wind moving in the trees or even a dog searching for a place to bury a bone. Their imaginations don’t need much encouragement to get moving.

Step 3: Focus on developing your child’s key motor skills. Freestyle dancing is great for getting the heart rate up, but dancing can also be beneficial to your child’s motor and coordination development. Dancing will enable them to practice fundamental skills like jumping, landing, leaping, sliding, galloping, moving forward and backwards, and learning how to imitate moves.

Step 4: Check your child’s heart rate. Teach your child to connect physical activity with maintaining a healthy heart by measuring his or her heart rate. Show your child how to feel and count his or her heart beats.

For more tips from Dr. Z and a variety of activity suggestions, visit www.DrZandMe.com.