Inspiration to Nurture Naturally- Part 1

Breastfeeding is not something I thought I'd ever write about on the blog. It's a topic that screams controversy, opinions and judgment. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, damned how you do! I promised myself it was something I'd steer clear of in written form.

But... here I am. Pregnant and typing about breastfeeding, because honestly... It has been on my mind A LOT.

From around 8 weeks along in our journey I have been dreaming regularly of our baby. I dream of holding her and feeding her. Sometimes I dream that there is some kind of physical boundary stopping me from feeding her, other times its just me and her; nursing and feeding. Every week since we found out our exciting news, I have had these dreams. I don't doubt that these dreams are reflective of my inner turmoil over failure to feed in the past and a deep longing desire to feed my baby. Even the image of a mother and baby nursing on television can bring me to a sobbing mess of emotions.

I didn't breastfeed Stella. A fact which although I rarely dare to admit or express; saddens me deeply. And something I'll talk about in more depth soon.

Last week, I very nervously waddled off to a private appointment with a Lactation Consultant. Getting the appointment itself was a challenge, although we are lucky enough to be offered these free and incredibly supportive services in our health system sometimes getting the necessary referrals and actual appointment dates written on paper is like pulling teeth. I had to practice my assertion and determination, which isn't something I feel confident and comfortable doing, but it got me the results I was looking for.

By the time I walked the hospital corridors and found reception I was puffed out and flushed. Not knowing what to expect and feeling intensely vulnerable only added to my breathless nerves. Would I have to strip off? Would the consultant be young? Old fashioned? Judgmental? Would I leave feeling relieved? Or stressed? Earlier that day I had assured Nick that I would be fine to go to the appointment on my own and wouldn't need him to leave work, but I found myself wishing I'd admitted how nervous I really was and asked him to come with me.

The woman who met with me was warm and encouraging. She spoke with kindness and could very obviously tell how nervous I was, she did her best to help me relax and feel at ease. We started by talking about why I was there. Why, when pregnant with my second child would I need the help of a lactation consultant? I should be a seasoned nurser by now, yes? That's the way I feel many midwives view my situation, they assume that because I am a second time mother, I am also a second time feeder and wont need much or any assistance with breastfeeding. In reality, I am a much like a first time feeder. Although, I would fight to say that this time around I am even more nervous and unexpecting. Perhaps something to do with that 'self-fulfilling prophecy' we tend to become victim to.

The most valuable thing I learnt from my 60 minute chat, is a message I will never forget. Feeding with Stella wasn't a failure. My inability to feed was caused by a domino tower of variables, all of which took it's toll on both me and my newborn emotionally, physically and mentally. This down-to-earth and sweet woman who is a mother herself injected me with more inspiration and determination that I ever felt possible in such a short and simple amount of time. She made me believe in myself, my abilities and made me feel proud regardless of my breastfeeding history.

I thought that within time I would share with you some of the obstacles we uncovered with my breastfeeding past, and how we are working to avoid these from happening the second time around. Many of these were not things I was even aware of at the time, and it is only with reflection and the follow up of numerous notes by midwives that I am able to distinguish what went wrong and why.

I cannot begin to describe how empowering that is, to have the knowledge of what caused certain feeding problems and what can be done about them in the future.

Seeing a lactation consultant antenatally has been the very best thing I have done. To any mama experiencing nerves, concerns or doubts...don't hesitate to push for that appointment. If you are discouraged by some midwives telling you to wait, trust your instinct and get a booking anyway. It could be the chat that inspires you for a positive feeding relationship with your new baby, and washes that guilt and regret away completely.

Stay reading over the next week for part II of my Inspiration to Nurture Naturally series, sharing with you my obstacles of the past.

Plenty of love, 

Our Journey; Post 6

We have now entered the stage known as 'The Struggle'. Every morning, I struggle to get out of bed. Everyday, I struggle to keep up with Stella and everynight, I struggle to move from the couch and do anything creative.

These last 5 weeks ideally is the time to really just breathe and relax. My body is in agreeance, but my brain? Well, it has other ideas. I have an abundance of creative thoughts flowing at the moment, and can't seem to quieten the little voice of inspiration in my head. I have yearnings to make, write and dream stronger than ever before; perhaps my pregnancy hormones are to thank? Despite the intensity of which the creative side of my brain is working, my body is pushed to the limit. I lay achingly on the couch while dreaming of all the things I could, would and want to be doing.

The last fortnight, I have become the queen of complaints. If my feet aren't swollen or my back isn't aching then it must be the reflux, heartburn or insomnia. Poor Nick has become accustomed to the list of niggles and can usually tell by my tone of whinge what the matter is. Although, it isn't all bad. And I have a wonderfully supportive partner to remind me this each and everyday. He reminds me of the huge challenge my body is undertaking and never lets me forget the importance of my job; being a mother and raising a toddler.

Last night, after a routine visit with the midwives we found that my blood pressure has risen slightly. Which would explain perfectly the intense headache and dizziness the last few days has brought with it. Urine tests confirmed that there are traces of protein, so we are currently on 'pre-eclampsia watch'. Nothing too alarming, just time to really try to relax and monitor what my body is telling me and being a little more aware of a headache or suddenly swollen hands.





Our baby's movements have become our nightly entertainment. She turns and moves with enough strength to jolt my hand from my stomach! I have become so aware of her sleep and awake patterns that I can predict the times she is ready to start a break-dancing session and count down to the hour in which she regularly gets the hiccups.
 
I have only a few things in my mental to-do list before we are graced with this baby's presence, mostly they revolve around intensely cleaning the house and soaking up any 'child free' time I may get. Nick and I have jokingly created a 'pre-family-of-four' bucket list and try to tick things off that we may not get the opportunity to do again for a long while. Watch an entire movie, dine out, jump in the car and go to the supermarket without packing a bag...the simple pleasure we will soon hang up for the time being.

May the next 4 weeks hurry along at the speed of light! I am so very ready to hold our baby and to no longer be struggling with the challenges of pregnancy. Although I am totally impatient, I am also jiggling with excitement at the realisation that it is only that... Only 4 weeks. And then we will be a family of four!

I am looking forward to sharing with you the very last leg of the baby race and a birth story of course!
Plenty of love, 

P.S. How amazing are our maternity shoot photos? These are a little sneakpeak, as we are yet to choose our final images. Tanya from TK's photography did such an amazing job, we are so very happy with them!

Our Journey; Post 4

It's hard to fathom that in less than 3 months our baby will be here, greeting us with warm cuddles, sleepless nights and plenty of love. Compared to my first pregnancy, this one has flown by. Although it is a challenge to remember what it feels like to not be pregnant, I cant remember the non-pregnant me!

I am still struggling with a lack of physical energy, and have accepted the fact that this is motherhood; Feeling tired all the time is really just part and parcel of the journey. Instead, I am focusing on the best ways to deal with this lack of energy and learning how to pick myself up when it is really necessary. Admittedly, I have let the usual immaculate condition of our house slide a little and prioritised other areas that need my attention. Caring for Stella and ensuring her days are happy is my number one job, and also the one which seems to drain most of my energy. Second to that comes resting, relaxation and recreation; I am determined to enjoy this pregnancy and this stage in my life which I will one day look back on sentimentally. I don't want it to be filled with 'should haves'.

This is a similar attitude I am holding with regards to caring for our newborn, I am so beyond excited to have another beautiful life to nurture and welcome into our world. I don't want to look back in a years time and wish that I had soaked it up a little more or breathed it in a little deeper (which I sometimes do when looking back on my experience with Stella) I will be soaking up and breathing in all the beauty of this experience with every breath I have.

The past few weeks have been an exciting time for Nick, as he has been able to bond with our baby more and more. She has predictable patterns of movement at certain times during the day, with the most active being between 9pm and 11pm at night. This is one of my favourite times of the day, I lay down on our couch and just giggle with amusement at the jolts and wriggles that can be seen from the surface of my tummy. Nick often lays his head against my bump and talks with our baby, getting plenty of friendly kicks to the face in response.

If there are moments during my day when I can quietly lay and hold my hands on my stomach, I take them. Sometimes even catching the wriggles on my iPhone, so I can replay them back to Nick at the end of the day. I've found that this has really improved our relationship in regards to our pregnancy. It is very easy to feel as though you are experiencing something totally unexplainable, and at times totally alone. Likewise, it is common for fathers to feel as though they aren't included and are so isolated from the experience of pregnancy. We are both working to include each other as much as possible so that this experience is not mine, or his, it is ours. 

All in all, this pregnancy has been much like my first in that it is breezy. We haven't had any real health issues or scares and everything seems to be following the text books wonderfully. I am getting reflux, heartburn and Braxton Hicks, but this time around they seem far more manageable...just little niggles that remind me of the incredible job my body is currently doing. The next few weeks hold another appointment with our team of midwives, a glucose test for gestational diabetes and the booking of our maternity photoshoot!

I look forward to continuing the countdown with you all. 26 down, 14 to go!
Plenty of love, 

The Weird and Wonderful

Forget the bold and the beautiful, pregnancy is a tale of The weird and the wonderful!

Pregnancy does strange, strange things to you, and lately I have been a testimony for that truth. It is widely known that I am not skilled in the kitchen and other than to clean it meticulously I avoid that area of the house entirely. I have never had much patience or motivation to create meals and follow recipes, I am just not 'kitchen orientated'. However, pregnancy does weird and wonderful things.

During my first pregnancy I one day found myself in the kitchen baking banana muffins from scratch, it only happened once, but it was scary all the same. This pregnancy, I found myself strangely browsing the baking isles of supermarkets and homeware stores. Before I even realised what was happening I had accumulated a supply of ingredients, bakeware and cake decorating tools, which brings me to now...

I am baking once a week! (Yes, I did say...pregnancy is the tale of the weird and wonderful). I find myself enjoying these baking sessions so very much and I am even dreaming of whats beyond the standard cupcake! I am currently on the look out for a really basic and inspiring cake decorating book and can't help but return to that bakeware section of the store.

Are there any strange habits you developed during pregnancy? perhaps some little nesting quirks that surprised you?

Plenty of love, 

Our Journey; Post 3

This leg of the race I am going to term as the 'discomfort stage'. We have had some unexpected hot weather which in turn mixed with a big belly and an energetic toddler has created a huffy puffy pregnancy monster. I am finding that I am often short of breath and feel as though I have been running a marathon when really all I have done is bent down to pick up a toy. People have told me I'm glowing, luckily for them they aren't aware I'm just sweating. I am yearning for the cooler change in weather terribly and have already day dreamt a new wardrobe to match.

I am starting to look noticeably pregnant now and often hear the comment 'Oh my gosh, you are big!" It's a strange observation to respond to, do I smile and say thankyou? Or nod in agreeance and dismiss the question of twins? In my head I am screaming "Tell me about it! You try being this big and running around like a headless chicken raising a family!"

We excitedly announced the 'big reveal' to friends and family after the Morphology Scan a few weeks back! We are expecting another girl! However... Upon a visit to the doctor a few days ago she admitted that it probably couldn't be called either way. So although our little bouncing babe looks like it could be a girl, she may well be a boy. We are hoping to get another sneak peak and more confirmation tomorrow with another scan!

One of my favourite things about this pregnancy over the past 3 weeks has been the way in which Stella has started to take note of my growing bump. She reaches up and gives it a little pat in the shower with a slightly puzzled look on her face. "Belly Belly!" she'll exclaim as if to say "woah Mum, hold off the cupcakes a little hey?!"

I have begun to notice a pattern to the kicks and wriggles baby gives, with the most distinct being when I finally slump into bed at the end of the day and when Stella is sitting on my lap watching her favourite pre-bedtime television show. Our little unborn also reacts excitedly to the sound of her Daddys voice, giving a happy kick in response to his Goo's and Gah's over my belly.

It is hard to believe that we have now passed the half way mark, the count-down to baby and Journey to the end of our pregnancy is creeping up quite quickly. There is still a lot to be done in the way of preparation, and I am just waiting for the nesting instinct to hit me like a tonne of bricks. I am both relaxed and nervous at the same time; more nervous about the preparation to be done rather than the birth and beyond. I can't wait to start washing sweet outfits, crafting sweet nursery items and writing endless to-do lists!

I am looking forward to sharing with you the remaining 20 weeks of Our Journey!
Plenty of love, 

Let's talk about boobs.

Knockers, hooters, boobies or breasts. We all know our boobs serve a higher purpose in life than getting wolf whistles from hormone driven boys or holding up that strapless summer dress. What we often don't get told is how much our breasts can and will change through life and what trouble they can give us.

Yesterday I went to be measured and fitted for a maternity bra, my first fitting since I was 12 years old. Long gone are they days of being a 12B and extensive padding, also long gone are they days of putting socks down my top as 9 year old and dreaming of how complete my life would be once I got boobs.

I walked away from the store in a slight trance, muttering the size I had just been given under my breath. One cup of the modestly large grandma-esque bra fit on my head like a beanie. Not only was I wondering how I had gotten to this point in life, but I was also left wondering why buying such an incredibly ugly, incredibly comfortable bra excited me so much. Getting home, whipping off the old and putting on the new was like Christmas.

My first pregnancy my boobs got to what I thought was 'pretty big'. They were a little tender and a little swollen, but nothing out of the ordinary. Then, post birth. Well, let's not even go there. My breasts weren't called boobs anymore, they were rocks. Big, hard, painful, throbbing, tear-inducing rocks. I hated them. I remember expressing whilst showering because of engorgement and just wishing they didn't even exist. When I weaned, the super rough massage with a facewasher in the shower three times a day became my routine. I was not kind to them and payed the price once my milk had gone. 

Transition from here to 6 months ago. I had a one year old daughter, I was 21 and I had the boobs of an 80 year old. The thought of ever wearing a bikini without padding or god forbid ever getting into a relationship and having to expose the dreaded things... it was nerve wracking. This is when I realised the extent of the damage I had caused with such harsh scrubbing in a bid to get rid of my milk quickly. I had damaged the elasticity in my breast tissue.

Fast forward to now. I am 5 months pregnant and my boobs enter the room before my bump. Maybe it isn't that extreme, but gosh it certainly feels that way. Not only are they heavy and humongous, but they hurt. Hurt. Like. Hell. I splurged on ugly and comfortable bras and wear nothing but maternity underwear. I sleep with a support singlet on and take note of my slacking posture.

This pregnancy I am also booked in to see a lactation consultant. I am planning to meet with and talk through the problems I had with breastfeeding the first time around before the baby is even here. I want to arm myself with as much knowledge and support now, so I can utilise it best once the 'rock stage' arrives.

If you are still reading after all this graphic speak of my lady bits, (which if you are a mother, I think you might be) there are a few things I would like to remind you of. Things I wish had been drilled into me before becoming pregnant the first time. 


The simplest and most important...

*  Look after your assets ladies. Treat your boobs with care and respect. Be gentle.

*  See a lactation consultant before problems arise, prepare for the worst and anticipate improvement

* Splurge on numerous maternity bras and actually wear them. Don't be tempted to squish into a deadly underwired thing for a special event- it wont be worth the pain.

* Still regularly check for lumps and consult with your doctor any worries.

* Look after your boobs. Did I already mention that one? No? well then, Look after your boobs!