Sweet little high-flyer.

Stella is a high intensity toddler. She always has been. In fact, she was even a high intensity baby. I'm sure if I researched and spoke to professionals, mums and other equally judgmental sources, they would assure me it is caused by a number of factors. Maybe her birth process? Maybe my pregnancy emotions? Perhaps I ate too much sugar antenatally? I didn't play Mozart to the fetus in my womb?

The conclusion I have come to as her Mother is that Stella is Stella. She is a high intensity, fast paced, sometimes overly demanding, intelligent and energetic toddler. Which all sounds perfectly reasonable and manageable until the days you are not so high-flying yourself. These are the days I question my parenting and it's abilities. Stella had a playdate with a friend recently, and rather than it be all about rainbows and butterflies it was all about tears and tantrums. She was a frenzied ball of stress.

Evie would build a tower, Stella would purposefully trample it down. Evie would have a dummy, Stella would take it from her mouth and claim it her own. Evie would read a book, Stella would throw the books from the bookshelf. Evie would eat a sandwich, Stella would use hers to wipe the bench with.

I know the golden rule of guilt free parenting is to not ever compare children. They are the definition of individual and no two children will be the same. But, in times like these... I couldn't help but think, "Dear god, why can't you be more like Evie!"



Stella soon snuggled into bed after the playdate had come to an end, and I stroked her soft head and apologised. Not only am I sorry for comparing her, but I am also sorry for perhaps not accepting her as I should. She is none-the-wiser and has forgiven me like any loving baby does, but I know in myself there are things I need to work on. I need to listen to her needs and find the point of frustration, I need to figure out what it is that creates the frenzied monster attitude she can sometimes take on, and take the steps to eliminate these. Children are always trying to tell us something, through their play, their behaviour and their tantrums. I just wish I could hear her a little better at times.

Have you also got a high intensity toddler? Do you sometimes feel out of control and lacking skills to manage your sweet little high-flyer? How do you cope? What lessons have you learnt? I would love to hear from other mamas who share the same distress at times, as always... share your stories with me.

Here's to hoping the storm has calmed after a nice, long, much-needed afternoon nap!
Plenty of love,

Stitching at the seams

As mothers, we are the binding forces that hold our family together, the glue in the joints and the stitching at the seams. We watch over our children and partners with protective, nurturing eyes...always making sure that needs are being met and that desires are being fulfilled. But what happens when you start to lose your stick? When your thread becomes unstitched and you are no longer holding the seams together?

When you are a mother, having a 'bad few days' brings more than just feelings of the blue shade but also intense feelings of guilt. Guilt that you are unable to hold your own head up high, let alone help your children hold theirs. How can you encourage your toddler to laugh, when you, yourself are struggling to smile?

The past few days have been...really hard. It's not easy to open up and admit defeat to the world, let alone to yourself. But in doing so I actually feel slightly better. I imagined that caring for a toddler, whilst being pregnant would be hard, a lot harder than a first pregnancy. But I didn't imagine that it would seem very hard, so very suddenly. Everything felt manageable and in control one moment, only to feel like the worlds biggest challenge the next. The past few days, I found myself really struggling to juggle the day to day basics of my life. To get my toddler dressed and ready for an outing, as well as myself dressed and ready for an outing was becoming a physical and emotional challenge too large to tackle. To keep the house in some sort of orderly state was a challenge that although I wanted to tackle, I physically wasn't able. And when I find myself struggling to complete the daily basics of being a mother, the guilt that comes along with it fuels my overly emotional state. And overly emotional I certainly have been.

Perhaps its due to hitting that 6 monthly mark of pregnancy and the stress of knowing that very soon things will be changing very drastically. I also know my hormones are largely to blame for the unsteady emotional mama I have been. I've found myself unable to sleep at night with the fear of juggling two children playing in my mind, I've found myself in a puddly mess of tears when nothing in my wardrobe is fitting well or when catching sight of my thighs in the mirror. Shopping for baby items has become a teary, stressful venture rather than the exciting experience I want it to be.

I know that no one likes a Negative Nancy, but just as equally no one likes a Cheerful Charli so today I am posting as a Down-to-earth Darla. I may have had a bad few days, but I am hopeful that as my hormones level out a little and my pregnancy comes to an end I begin returning to the cool, calm and collected mama that I pride myself on being.

I owe such heartfelt thanks to my fiance Nick, he has forced me to stop and put my feet up and given me a shoulder to rest my head on. And that sneaky little post he wrote for me after a particularly bad day; so beautiful. 


Plenty of love,